For richer, for poorer

Its a sad thing but one of the main worries for people getting married these days is, "How are we going to afford it?"

The average cost of a wedding is now £18,490, as it says here in The Times. I don't grudge anyone spending this kind of money if they have it. In fact I am definately in the Elton John school of wealth distribution and reckon, if you have it, why not spend it?

But I don't think that you have to spend a fortune to have a great wedding, in fact, it is often the case that the less you spend the more special your ceremony is. All you need is a rich imagination - in fact I think this is a good approach even if you can afford to splash out.

So whether you are rolling in cash or counting the pennies here are some low cost tips for making your big day extra special!

The Venue
In a humanist ceremony you can get married anywhere so why not choose a beach or a woodland which are both completely free! Or if you aren't having a big wedding you could use your own home. This means you can decorate it the way you want, have the ceremony at whatever time you want and stay up partying as long as you are able. Some of the loveliest ceremonies I have done were in people's back gardens, sometimes under a gazeebo if the rain was threatning. Often venues like village halls and community centres are very cheap. . Usually you can bring in your own drinks for venues like these too.

Wedding Stationery
Do you really need to have properly printed wedding invitations, orders of ceremony and place names? If you aren't a whiz on photoshop the chances are you will have a friend who is. Many couples I marry already have children, so if you do, why not get them to 'design' something? Ok, they may look like something Jackson Pollock came up with on a bad day, but everyone will think it is a cute idea.

Cake

I once offered to organise the cake for a friend's wedding and she wanted a traditional fruit cake. Some bakeries wanted to charge £200 for just one layer. In the end we bought one from ASDA for £30. it was really small but I tiered it and made some icing flowers for the top of it and it looked really pretty. As often happens with fruit cakes at weddings, nobody ate any. Last year I made a cake for a couple of friends. it was a Chocolate, Stem Ginger and Grand Marnier, three layered monster and cost £40 all in. Here's the baby:



Robert, the groom had a notion for golden oak leaf flowers to be on the cake. At the end of the day it had all been gobbled up, oak leaves and all.

The Frock
I have heard through the wedding dress rail that many brides are buying a good quality or designer gown instead of a wedding dress, which can work out a whole lot cheaper. I've also married a few brides who have had the graciousness to tell me that their dress was from E-bay and they looked just as gorgeous as every other bride. In the top photo of this post you will see my beautiful bridesmaid in a lovely golden dress. It was made by me and my mother and cost £40 in fabric.

There are many other ways to save money and keep things special. If you aren't the sort of person who listens to string quartet or harp music at home, it may be a more personal option for you to have CD music at your wedding and play tunes you really love. You could go to the flower market and do your own arrangements. I think the key is to ask people you know for help. many of your friends will wonder what they are going to give you for your wedding present and may end up buying something you neither want nor need, so asking them to help out with the preperations will save you money and make them feel helpful.

Fame at last!

The Humanist Society of Scotland recently announced a 59% increase in the demand for legal Humanist Weddings in Scotland making it the fifth top wedding supplier in the Registrar General of Scotland's 'religion table'.

Celebrants of the Society conducted 675 legal marriages during 2007, an increase of 59% on 2006 when the figure was 465. 525 weddings are already booked for 2008 and predictions suggest they will continue to increase in popularity and by 2010 will overtake those of the Roman Catholics, Methodists and the Episcopalians. Read the press coverage in The Herald

This story was featured on Reporting Scotland recently and yours truely gets 5.4 seconds of fame. They filmed me for about ten minutes to get these words of wisdom.

Scottish Wedding Directory!

I'm in the current issue of The Scottish Wedding Directory! This is very exciting for me. For a wedding celebrant to be interviewed by TSWD is like a fashion designer getting into Vogue.

Here is a transcript of the interview:

Can you explain what humanism is?

Humanism is an ethical stance that asserts that we can lead good lives without religion or superstition and humanists are vitally concerned with issues that affect our world. We accept other people whatever their race, creed, colour, age, gender or sexuality. Humanists think that we can only advance as a society and solve problems through reason and compassion.

In short, Humanism is about the things that bring us together rather than those that divide us. We may not always agree with one another but listening is a very important step towards understanding.

What does a humanist wedding consist of?

A Humanist ceremony is both legal and meaningful. The most important aspect of the ceremony from a Humanist point of view is that it should be personal and unique to the couple getting married. It should reflect their love for one another and their views on what marriage means to them.

A Humanist wedding is entirely secular but can have elements of a traditional wedding. In Humanist ceremonies the couple rarely stand facing the celebrant but instead either face each other or their guests. This is because in a Humanist ceremony you are not getting married in the eyes of God or the state but in the eyes of Humanity and for most couples that means their friends and family.

What's the advantage of choosing a Humanist wedding over a civil one? What's the difference between a Humanist wedding and a civil one?

A civil wedding has to take place in a licensed venue, whereas a Humanist ceremony can take place anywhere that is ‘safe and dignified’. Humanist celebrants have conducted ceremonies on hilltops, and beaches, in woodlands and in people’s back gardens. We also do ceremonies in more traditional settings such as hotels and marquees.

The most important difference between a civil and Humanist ceremony is that although some registrars will allow you to personalize some parts of the ceremony, we allow you to make the whole ceremony uniquely yours. You have to say your legal declarations as you would in any other legal wedding ceremony but the Humanist ceremony is the most personal and thoughtful option for couples who do not want a religious ceremony.

Do we need another ceremony to make the marriage legal?

No, providing you complete the usual paperwork, as you would do with any form of wedding that is approved by the Registrar General, the wedding is fully legal. Weddings conducted by a registered Humanist celebrant have been legal in Scotland since June 2005.

When I mentioned the possibility of a humanist ceremony to my mum she said it all sounded a bit too 'new age' for her liking and that that sort of thing was just for hippies. How can I reassure her that the day will be suitably dignified?

Humanist Celebrants do sometimes officiate at ceremonies that have a New Age ‘feel’ but we also do ceremonies that are very traditional. I am most concerned that couples create a ceremony that reflects their personalities. I have officiated at a ceremony where the guests were all sitting on the grass in the couple’s garden and another in a country house hotel that was extremely formal. For both couples anything else other than the ceremony they chose would have been wholly inappropriate as their ceremonies reflected their views on what makes a meaningful wedding.

Most couples choose to have a ceremony that looks and feels like what people know a wedding to be with some traditional elements. In a Humanist ceremony there is always the opportunity to have romance, fun and humour in the ceremony too.

Do we still get to exchange rings, vows etc and to kiss at the end?

Yes, most couples exchange rings (but they don’t have to), we encourage couples to say their own personal vows and they have to say the legal declaration too. We can also incorporate other symbolic gestures such as handfasting or lighting candles.

Of course you kiss at the end! I’ve had weddings where the couple kissed at the beginning and at some points in between too. The more kissing the better, as far as I am concerned!

How many humanist weddings take place in Scotland each year?

Our weddings were given legal status in June 2005 and we conducted 83 weddings during the rest of that year. In 2006 we did 425 legal weddings and we expect to find that the numbers have gone up considerably since then and will continue to grow.

What advice would you give people who are worried about nerves on the day?

For some people their wedding day will be the first time in their lives that they are the centre of attention and this is quite daunting. I try to reassure the couple that they don’t have to say their vows out loud but can respond to a question and say “I do”. But the most important thing to remember if you are nervous is that all the people around you are your friends and family and they are there to support you on the day. No matter how nervous couples are before the wedding they always enjoy the experience in the end. A Humanist ceremony helps with this as the couple is involved in creating a ceremony that they will feel comfortable with and enjoy.

Any funny wedding stories you'd care to share?

The very first wedding I officiated at was on the beach at Belhaven Bay and the bride was to walk in to Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now. I asked the groom if we should fade out the music when once she’s arrived. He looked at me as if I was mad and said: “Nobody fades out Queen!” So we all had a bit of a dance whilst the song finished.

In your experience what are the most common problems on the wedding day? (or leading up to the wedding)

The most common problem is worrying too much about what’s going to go wrong, and really, what’s the worst that can happen? On my own wedding day we thought that the musicians weren’t going to turn up at all for the ceremony and they ended up being half an hour late so I had to wait in the car before being played in. Lots of things didn’t go to plan but our friends and family were there and everyone had a great time. In the end it didn’t matter because good organisation doesn’t make a wedding day special but having a meaningful ceremony and adding personal touches to the day does.

Anything else you think couples should know about either humanism or getting married generally?

I think if you have a lot of money to splash out on a wedding then that is great but I would like people to bear in mind that a fantastic wedding doesn’t have to be expensive. Some of the loveliest weddings I’ve been to were the more home spun ones that cost very little. More than once I’ve admired a spectacular wedding dress and the bride has whispered “E-Bay” into my ear!

Merchant's Hall Wedding

What happens in January? Nothing apart from bad weather, Christmas guilt and general misery. But not if you are friends with Emma and Fraser! They decided to get married in January at The Merchant's Hall and this gave everyone, including me, something to look forward to.

Here's The Queen!



She looks quite the fox in her younger years, doesn't she?

And here is another gorgeous girl.



A nicer couple you could not meet.



Here they are signing the paperwork.

Kirknewton House Stables Wedding

Danielle and Roland married at Kirknewton House Stables and as the wedding was in December it had quite a Christmassy feel.



Both their mothers did a reading and here is Danielle's mum looking at her son in law to be with fondness.



And Roland making it legal!



Danielle is a jewellery designer and needless to say the rings were lovely. Her shop is called Rock Candy.

Abden House Wedding

Charlotte and Neil got married at Abden House on a crisp, clear winter's day. The clarsach music was perfect for this intimate venue.



And here is the lovely couple.



I just love Charlotte's bolero and, of course, the fact that they look so happy!

Stair Arms Hotel Wedding

What bride could ask for a lovelier wedding present than this?



This is Louise's surprise flower girl with her mum and dad.



Louise and David were married at the Stair Arms just outside Pathhead. As you may have noticed, David is in the army and I think they would be very proud to see him so well turned out.



Louise's brother is in a pipe band and he piped her in but when the ceremony was over the staff at the hotel opened the doors and there was the whole pipe band waiting for them.

And here is the happy couple.