When a man loves a man and a woman loves a woman...

If you've been supporting the Equal Marriage campaign you'll have shared my disappointment this week. It was widely expected that the Scottish Government would announce its intention to introduce the Same Sex Marriage Bill this week. The most exciting part of this was that we'd finally know the timescale of their plans, or in layman's terms, when the first gay marriage in Scotland might happen.

There's been much negative and positive speculation as to why we are facing a delay in the Scottish Government's decision but many hope that they're simply trying to figure out a way for Humanists and  some religious groups to be able to conduct same sex marriages whilst allowing some churches to opt out. This article in The Scotsman pretty much sums up how I feel.

You've maybe come to my blog for some inspiration for your wedding ceremony or to find out more about Humanist weddings. I would really appreciate if you could take a moment to support the Equal marriage campaign. You can 'like' them on facebook, follow them on twitter and sign their petition.

Yes, same sex couples can have Civil Partnerships but these don't take into account their beliefs and allow them the same freedom of expression that your wedding can offer you. This isn't just a campaign to support same sex couples who are Humanists, it's about Christian, Jewish and couples of many other belief systems and denominations too.

If you want to know the essence of what this campaign is about please watch this video I posted some time ago, which was made for the Irish campaign.

For my own part I don't think opening up marriage to same sex couples makes marriage less meaningful - it makes its meaning complete.

Freudian Slip!

This is a very funny video but it's also an example of how a ceremony shouldn't be done - you can tell the celebrant hasn't read the script properly before she delivered it. Still, she has a good sense of humour!



I've noticed a lot of couples put jokes into the script that I can't tell are there. For example I might say something along the lines of: "Jen and Chris love nothing more than having friends round for dinner." and 150 people in front of me burst out laughing, slap their thighs and wipe tears of merriment from their eyes.  Obviously something spectacularly hilarious has happened at one of their dinner parties that everyone knows about. This has also happened recently when I've mentioned couples walking their dog, going shopping and having an occasional sunday drink in their local pub. It's fabulous when it happens and although I wouldn't mind knowing when it's coming, my unawareness of the joke does add something to it.

Wedding Speeches - some tips on public speaking

I've recently had a few requests for public speaking tips and as the main part of my job is to bring my wedding scripts to life I feel well qualified to share some advice. For some people speaking in front of an audience is a very nerve-racking thing to do but hopefully these tricks and tips will give you some confidence.

The Content

Keep it short — Most speeches I've heard would be vastly improved if they'd been cut down by at least a third. Think quality rather than quantity and you'll be on the right track. Nobody minds a short speech but everyone hates one that goes on too long. If you find it difficult to edit your speech ask someone else for help in getting rid of the insignificant bits.

Use humour (wisely) — Adding a few well-placed jokes will draw your audience in but there's nothing worse than a joke falling flat. Avoid anything sexist or offensive and steer clear of the 'you had to be there to find this funny' anecdotes. Wedding audiences often appreciate 'saucy' humour but measure this against something the bride's granny would find funny.

Be complimentary — Have the guests been in such great spirits to make the wedding a memorable one? Then let them know! Was the cake the bride's Aunty Maureen contributed the finest known to humanity? Tell her so. I've heard a couple of best men's speeches where the groom's reputation was hilariously torn to shreds yet the speakers ended their speeches by saying some incredibly touching things about their friend meaning there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Always try to start and end on a really nice note.

Know your stuff — Always work with notes or even a full script. Very few people can wing it successfully and they often they end up droning on for ages...

Involve others — Whilst it is really good to bring your personal experience into a speech it sometimes means that a large proportion of your audience won't get it. If you're doing a best man's speech asking other friends of the groom — outside of your own social circle — and his family for anecdotes is not only thoughtful but will give everyone something to enjoy. Equally if a groom adds in some thoughts that have come from other people who know the bride that can be a lovely surprise and shows he's made an extra effort.

The Delivery

Smile — Begin your speech with a happy face and you will instantly gain your audience's affection. I always look happy at the beginning of my ceremonies so everyone knows they will enjoy it from the word go. Smiling opens up your face, raises your head and gives you a confidence boost.

Be Heard — If you get the opportunity, do a test run in the room you'll be speaking in and ask a friend to stand at the back and let you know how you sound. A good time to do this at a wedding is either before the ceremony begins or briefly during the drinks reception — arrange this before the big day. Many venues offer a microphone for the speeches and be sure to use this if you're not confident of being heard. Always speak directly into the microphone! You'd be amazed at how many people don't.

Look up — You should know your script well enough to look up at your audience regularly. A good trick is to run your hand down one side of your script as you're speaking, marking your place. This allows you to raise your eyes without losing your next line.

Slow down — Most speeches are delivered far too quickly. This is the cardinal sin of public speaking as it makes you sound like you just want to get it over with! When I started as a celebrant I used to write 'SLOW DOWN' on every page of my script.

Bring it to life — If the story you're telling is exciting this should be reflected in your voice. Equally a sombre moment should be accompanied by a serious demeanour. Listening to short stories on Radio 4 and audio books is a good way of hearing how this is done. Newsreaders are also experts in varying their delivery according to the story.

Make eye contact — This one is the Big Kahuna of public speaking. Every time you raise your head from your script, aim to look directly into someone's eyes rather than a general gaze over the audience. This gives your words sincerity and if you perfect this you'll have your audience in the palm of your hand! Where possible I find out where people who are mentioned in the wedding ceremony script are seated so I can look towards them when I say their names.

Humanist Wedding Readings - doggy love

"Love doesn't like being left alone for long,

But come home and Love is always happy to see you."

It's often said that Britain is a nation of dog lovers. I seem to be having a run of weddings where the couple have a much-loved pooch but unfortunately most of them don't get to be at the wedding, much to my disappointment...

Often in Humanist weddings we like to mention what love is all about. Of course, love is a complex thing that's almost impossible to define. Or so I thought before I read this poem. It turns out falling in love is like owning a dog!


What's so lovely about this poem is the author Taylor Mali really wants you to use it! He's happy for you to adapt it to suit you and all he asks is that you credit him for it. What a generous chap.

How to begin a wedding ceremony

As a Humanist celebrant, my job is to represent the couple I'm marrying and make sure their personalities come across from the beginning of the ceremony. Because I marry a lot of different couples my weddings vary widely and that's great for me because I appreciate the variety of my work. Yet, whether a ceremony is relaxed or formal, I make sure they have one thing in common: they always begin with a friendly, warm welcome. A Humanist celebrant should make everyone feel that the ceremony is inclusive, and one of the things that makes our ceremonies so special is that they can be equally appreciated by everyone there, no matter what faith or none they come from. The couple getting married is at the heart of the ceremony and by focussing on them we are sure that everyone enjoys the wedding.

What I call 'ice breakers' are a good thing to include in my welcome to your guests. Making a few introductions sets us off on a very genial footing and relaxes everyone! Here are some examples of welcomes that I've had in my ceremonies.

I usually introduce the best man/men and bridesmaids. After all, they are standing with you but aren't known to everybody so it's nice to say a bit about how you know them and why you chose them. It gives them a lot of pride in the special role they are playing too.

Saying a special welcome to your parents can also be lovely, after all without them none of us would be there! However, I appreciate that it's common these days for a couple's parents to be divorced or separated and naturally I'd be sensitive to this in the ceremony.

If you have grandparents there it might be nice to give them a special welcome. Because people often marry a bit later on in life it can be rare for grandparents to be present at a wedding. I often welcome them along the lines of: "The guests of honour today are of course Jane and Jim's grandparents Dorothy and Margaret. Ladies, you both look lovely today and Jane and Jim tell me that you're likely to be the first on the dance floor later." Or something slightly less saucy...

The oldest and youngest can also be a nice theme: "Jane and Jim would like me to make a special mention of our oldest guest, Jim's Great Auntie Betty, who celebrated her 95th birthday last week, and our youngest guest, little Isla who was born only four weeks ago." For this to work the oldest has to be so ancient that they brag rather than hide their age and the youngest has to be very new!

Or what about the couple who've been married the longest, shortest or both? "Jim and Jane would like to offer a special welcome and congratulations to the couples here who've been married the longest: Margot and James, who celebrated their golden wedding earlier this year. And the shortest: Kelly and David who were married only three weeks ago. Please join me in congratulating them!" It can also be nice to mention any couples who are newly married or expecting babies.

It's very thoughtful to mention people who have travelled from far and this is how one of my couples recently had me welcome them: "Many of you have travelled a great distance to be here and we have guests from as far as Australia, Canada, the United States, Italy, Northern Ireland, the South of England and Cowdenbeath. Your combined efforts to be here have equalled a distance of four times round the Equator so please give yourselves a round of applause!"

Then there are the completely random things. In the past I've mentioned people who've completed a marathon on the day of the wedding, the Caledonian Challenge the week before, a sibling or bridesmaid who sat their final university exams the day before and a guest who happened to be the first Jordanian to climb Everest, a record he achieved two weeks before the wedding.

No mater what or who we mention at the start of the ceremony, my aim is always to make sure your guests are happy and relaxed, knowing this is a wedding ceremony they're going to really enjoy!

Fun wedding readings: Edward Monkton

I've noticed a lot of couples asking for suggestions of fun readings for their wedding ceremony, which I'm all for! I find that when a couple choose a more lighthearted reading it can often be surprisingly moving and one author who captures this perfectly is Edward Monkton. For those of you who haven't heard of him, he also goes under the moniker of Purple Ronnie.

A Lovely Love Story is often used in my ceremonies but I recently discovered another story called Love Monkey. I think this reading is very appropriate for modern times: couples often get married slightly later on in life these days and the story reflects how our past experiences make us the person our ideal partner falls in love with.

Edward Monkton's charming little books are like children's stories for grown ups and their realistic but happy endings will definitely leave a tear in your eye.

Equal Love

One of the things I love most about being a Humanist celebrant is that the couples I marry are making a choice when it comes to commitment. Although I don't want to do myself or any of the other wedding suppliers out of a job, you really don't have to get married these days! However people decide to for their own reasons and I feel proud to be able to express those reasons in their ceremony.

Can you imagine what it would be like not to have that choice? Sure, we have Civil Partnership ceremonies in the UK now, and that's a very positive step forward, but why can't same sex couples have a Marriage and why can't that be a ceremony which reflects their own belief system?

I took my baby on the Love Equally March in Edinburgh on Valentine's Day and decorated her with some beautiful red hearts. She was much admired and probably the youngest person there. I hope that when she's an adult, and I show her this picture, she'll live in a world where adults who love each other can get married, regardless of their sexuality.

It would be wonderful if you could take a look at the Equal Marriage website and show your support.