Let's Get Married!

Have you got the H Factor?

2011-09-19T13:08:00.003+01:00

I'm really pleased to tell you about the launch of The H Factor, the first ever awareness campaign from The Humanist Society of Scotland.

As a celebrant, whenever I meet people to discuss a ceremony and ask them why they've chosen a Humanist one, they always begin by saying. "Well, we're not religious but..." Then they go on to say how they stumbled across the HSS web site, looked at what Humanists believe and thought, "Oh - We had no idea that we've been Secret Humanists for years!"

All the research suggests that the majority of people in the UK are secular. Although we don't expect everyone with Humanist leanings to be card carrying Humanists we feel it is very important to raise awareness of a set of ethics guided by reason, compassion and equality.

And that's what the H Factor campaign is about. You can see my contribution here, where I'm talking about a subject I care very much about, same sex marriage:

From September 25th, a film crew will tour Scotland for five days in a search to find the stars of the first ever Humanist TV commercial. Auditions will be held in Edinburgh, Dundee, Aberdeen, Inverness and Glasgow, where members of the public will be asked to answer questions on major moral issues. Anyone can sign up at The H Factor web site, and individuals who appear in the final advert will receive a £500 appearance fee.

So what are you waiting for? Check it out, sign up, and who knows? You could be a star of the future!

Wedding at The Hub

2011-08-16T20:58:00.001+01:00

I'm delighted to share these lovely pictures with you of Jen and Mooj's wedding at The Hub, a wonderful venue at the top of Edinburgh's Royal Mile. This is a couple who have lots of fun together and these photos really reflect the touching intimacy between them. Jen is a well-known jewellery designer and made her stunning necklace and tiara herself.

Weddings conducted in the gallery of The Hub have to be done 'in the round', which I enjoy because it feels very friendly and I make a big effort to address the guests on either side of me. I also enjoyed this wedding very much because Jenny's brother is my favourite wedding musician, Pipe Major Roderick Deans, or Roddy the Piper as he's happy to be known. Roddy played a lovely and specially composed piece of music for his beautiful sister's entrance.

Isn't the photo above especially lovely? Here's what Jenny and Mooj thought about their wedding:

“So many of our guests have said how much they enjoyed the ceremony and how memorable it was, which has added even more to our enjoyment of the day. Being able to really put our personality into the ceremony, especially our vows, was brilliant. I don't think either of us really anticipated just how much we would enjoy the whole experience. Thanks once again for playing such a big part in our day and making it so special and memorable.”

Catch me when I fall

2011-06-10T11:49:00.006+01:00

This is a very romantic story of a wedding dress currently displayed in The Smithsonian:

"In August 1944, Hensinger, a B-29 pilot, and his crew were returning from a bombing raid over Yowata, Japan, when their engine caught fire. The crew was forced to bail out. Suffering from only minor injuries, Hensinger used the parachute as a pillow and blanket as he waited to be rescued. He kept the parachute that had saved his life. He later proposed to his girlfriend Ruth in 1947, offering her the material for a gown.

Ruth wanted to create a dress similar to one in the movie Gone with the Wind. She hired a local seamstress, Hilda Buck, to make the bodice and veil. Ruth made the skirt herself; she pulled up the strings on the parachute so that the dress would be shorter in the front and have a train in the back. The couple married July 19, 1947. The dress was also worn by the their daughter and by their son’s bride before being gifted to the Smithsonian."

It's especially touching when a person's personal experience is brought into their wedding. When a couple are planning their ceremony with me I encourage them to draw on their experience together as we express their hopes for the future. Some couples have faced tough times together so know they can rise to the mark when life takes a turn for the worst. Almost all couples live together for a substantial period of time before they marry so they've stood by each other despite seeing their partner at their least glamorous. Many couples have children before they marry so they've experienced romantic love and a whole new kind of love with each other.

Then there are other couples who have maybe not been together for long, had no testing situations with which to prove themselves, yet they still have experience to draw upon: courage to enter into a marriage without a long test period and a willingness to trust and nurture a growing love.

There's no getting out of the fact that we're all going to have difficult times in our lives but it's lovely to remind yourselves on your wedding day of how your past can contribute to the support you'll give one another in the future.

You are the trip I did not take...

2011-06-03T10:36:00.004+01:00

I stumbled on this poem today by Anne Campbell. Originally written for her children it would make a beautiful addition to a wedding or naming ceremony. Isn't it lovely that when the right person comes along those unfulfilled dreams don't seem to matter quite so much?

(via mybluecanoe)

A Modern Marriage?

2011-05-07T11:24:00.004+01:00

I don't want you thinking I'm completely down on the royal wedding, as I'm all for some pretty frocks and pomp and ceremony as much as the next person. However I did get very fed up with the sycophantic media proclaiming this to be a 'modern marriage'. This conclusion was reached because Kate Middleton wasn't going to 'obey' her future husband.

I still meet wedding couples who make it very clear they don't want to 'obey' one another. I always tell them that I'd never allow such a promise in a humanist wedding. Even the Church of England, purveyor of modern matrimony, did away with this eons ago.

Once aspect of the royal wedding that's been completely overlooked is the giving away of the bride. I'm not referring to the bride's father walking her down the aisle (99% of brides still do this and they and their dads like the experience). I'm talking about the part of the ceremony where Rowan Williams asks, "Who giveth this woman to be given to this man?" Kate's dad then says "I do", for she clearly belongs to him. He then gives his daughter's left hand to the Archbishop of Canterbury who gives it to Prince William. This is the point at which I asked myself how any marriage can be deemed modern when a woman is so publicly treated like chattel?

I can assure you now that this would never happen in a humanist wedding! Modern marriage is a partnership of two equals and most couples wouldn't have it any other way.

Married with Children

2011-04-01T17:10:00.007+01:00

I confess I'm not usually interested in what Ed Milliband has to say. However when I read this comment about his forthcoming marriage it really made me think: "At the end of the day we're in our 40s and we've got two kids, so it wasn't a case of me suddenly popping the question." Not exactly the most romantic of sentiments, Ed!

I think that come the wedding day he might be a little surprised. It's true that in our notions of the typical fairytale wedding Cinderella and Prince Charming rarely have a toddler and a one year old in tow. However, some of the most meaningful and emotional weddings I've conducted have been for couples who already have children. The wedding is often extra special because the couple have a living, breathing symbol of the love between them at the ceremony itself. They've also faced some challenging times together: sleepless nights, worry and the joys of childbirth can make a couple closer than they've ever been before. By the time couples with children get married they've pretty much seen each other at their least glamorous and are approaching their union with a truly realistic view of who they are marrying. I think this makes for a more romantic wedding where the couple can promise to accept each other for better or for worse with absolute confidence!

Your wedding doesn't just have to be about the present and the future, it can be a celebration of the sucess your relationship has been so far. When I'm marrying couples with children I'm often careful to help them make the ceremony about them as a pair. Although we celebrate and involve the children, it should be the couple's ceremony as well as a family occasion.

I've married one couple who felt strongly that the wedding should be about them as romantic partners not 'mum and dad'. They chose to marry with five friends in attendance but not their children who were with their grandparents for the day. This wouldn't be everyone's choice but I thought it worked well for this couple and was definitely the right decision for them.

One advantage that couples who have lived together for a long time or who have a very established relationship with children find is that their weddings are even more enjoyable than they had hoped for. In general, like Ed Milliband, they tend to have more realistic expectations of a wedding but are frequently surprised by how very special their day will be. I reckon the wedding will inject a bit of spark into the future Mr and Mrs Milliband's relationship . . .

Promises, Promises... Humanist Wedding Vows

2011-02-03T21:27:00.010Z

I've noticed on my stats that most people visiting this blog are searching for Humanist wedding vows. I can completely understand this because when I meet couples the vows are often the bit they either feel very enthusiastic about or completely dread! I've already written a couple of posts — part 1 and part 2 — of how to construct your vows but that's only one way to approach them. I can't speak for all Humanist celebrants but here's my views on vows.

There is one rule: you must promise to accept one another to be husband and wife, after which the celebrant must declare you to be husband and wife which is the point you are actually married. I know! The power, eh? No, I can't go up to people and marry them in the street for a laugh. In the context of the ceremony however, it's me who says the magic words!

My main concern with the vows of the couples I marry is that they're sincere and the people saying them feel comfortable with them. I'm happy for my couples to use traditional vows: in sickness and in health, and so on. I completely draw the line at promising to 'obey' each other. That said, I've never met a couple who wanted this.

Interestingly, very few people bother to promise fidelity these days. Not, I imagine because most couples are secret swingers in their spare time but because it's pretty much a given and people don't feel the need to comment on the intricacies of their sex life in front of all their friends and family any more.

Some people like to add a bit of humour to their vows: "I promise to let you have the remote control every Tuesday", that kind of thing. It can break the ice and I'm all for vows that reflect your personalities if you are jovial sorts. When couples draw a balance between having both serious and funny vows this can work very well, as you want to demonstrate you're taking your promises seriously.

If you are the shy type you don't even have to say your personal vows but can simply answer questions with an 'I do'. I often tell nervous couples that all they have to do to be married is turn up and answer every question I ask them in the affirmative! Getting hitched really is that simple.

Once again, I can't speak for other celebrants on this but I am quite happy for couples to find vows from books, samples I give them or wherever they stumble across something they think they'd like to say. As long as you feel comfortable with what you're saying for your vows, truly mean them and can live up to them then they're the perfect vows for you!

Here's a couple of my favourite vows from a selection of samples I give all my couples:

1 I, Sophie, promise to love and cherish you, David, for the rest of your life.

I will try to bring laughter to your life and make you happy.

I will consider you in the decisions I have to make, and value your opinions.

Today I vow to be your wife for the rest of our lives.

1 Sophie, I join my life with yours today

Without hesitation and with an open and trusting heart.

Whatever we may encounter,

Let us encounter it together.

Take this ring and with it my commitment

To be the best Husband I can be.

Oh Baby! Humanist naming ceremonies

2011-01-18T20:10:00.004Z

As a result of Humanist weddings becoming increasingly popular Humanist naming or welcoming ceremonies are much in demand too. Unfortunately when I conduct a naming ceremony it doesn't mean I get to choose the name of the baby. Not fair!

The main part of a ceremony like this is to talk about the baby's personality and how he or she has had an impact on their mum and dads' lives. It can be lovely to involve the grandparents and friends of the family in the ceremony and often people do readings or make speeches.

We have 'guide parents' who are chosen by mum and dad to be an important part of their baby's upbringing. I like to bring these people forward and say a bit about each of them and why they've been asked to play such an important role. I love this bit because their faces light up when I talk about how special they are!

The guide parents and the parents make promises to the child that are meaningful to them, mainly vowing to offer love, friendship, support and guidance when needed.

At the end of the ceremony to build up to saying the baby's name I tend to use these words:

"This child’s name will be spoken, whispered, shouted, cried, sung, and written thousands of times, impersonally or meaningfully, by family, friends, neighbours, schoolfriends, teachers, doctors, colleagues, lovers, strangers, and maybe by children and grandchildren of her own. It will define her identity..."

It's nice to think of all the people and all the ways the name will be said before declaring it. Naming and welcoming ceremonies for children are often quite relaxed and friendly affairs, sometimes done in peoples own homes or gardens.

I've got a couple of these ceremonies coming up in the next few months and am really looking forward to them. If you have a baby you'd like to have a ceremony for, please take a look at all the celebrants on the HSS website. We're all more than happy to meet up with you and discuss your baby's ceremony.

Handmade Weddings

2011-01-18T15:05:00.000Z

I've blogged before about why weddings don't have to be expensive but thought I'd share a couple of recent discoveries that might be of interest if you're thinking of letting your creative side loose.

First of all I've seen some great reviews on the web about this new book, Handmade Weddings. The projects here look really pretty, modern and stylish. This would make an ideal engagement gift for crafty types.

Another fabulous resource I can't recommend highly enough is One Pretty Wedding. On this site Rachel curates a wide range of wedding crafts and projects from around the web. It is truly inspirational and there's something here for every kind of wedding and level of ability.

I'd like to add some more links to useful resources so if you know of any I'd love to hear about them in the comments section.

Humanist Wedding Videos - fame at last!

2011-01-13T13:01:00.006Z

Some recent wedding couples have remarked that they've already seen me doing weddings on YouTube and other sites. Like most people I find it quite cringeworthy watching myself on video and don't think most wedding videos can quite catch the atmosphere of the ceremony itself. However these are nice to watch and will give you some idea of how I conduct ceremonies. All my ceremonies are unique so these only represent the people getting married and not how I conduct every wedding.

Here's another video of me marrying a lovely young couple at Dundas Castle and one of my colleague Ivan Middleton conducting a wedding there too.

Should you have a Humanist wedding?

2011-01-11T21:11:00.009Z

I may be biased but I think Humanist weddings are simply wonderful. The opportunity to express your love for one another in a way that's personal and meaningful is incredibly special. However I do appreciate that Humanist weddings aren't right for everyone, so here's some questions you might like to consider before booking a celebrant.

Firstly, do you have Humanist values?

I appreciate there are many variants when it comes to personal beliefs but in your ceremony the celebrant is representing the Humanist movement and will want to express what Humanism is. Nobody is asking you to start calling yourself a Humanist at every opportunity but we feel our ethical code is positive and fair so ask you to show your support for it by joining the Humanist Society of Scotland for one year. You might find these Humanist Quotations interesting.

I plan to explore reasons why people who aren't Humanists may come to have a Humanist ceremony in a later post.

Would you like to work with your celebrant to create a ceremony that's both personal and thoughtful?

I imagine the answer to this would be a resounding yes. Your Humanist celebrant can help you create a wonderful ceremony but all the elements of it are led by you, therefore the more you put in the more pleasure you get from it on the day. The ceremonies I've conducted over the years have varied enormously. I've conducted some very formal and some almost horizontally relaxed weddings but the tone and feel of the ceremonies has always been influenced by the couple and their personalities. That's what makes it an interesting job for me and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Would you like to involve your family and friends in your ceremony?

In a Humanist ceremony we try to involve the people who are important to you. This could be by them doing readings or being witnesses. One of the points I make in my ceremonies is that everyone plays an important part in the wedding by being there to witness the promises the couple will make: they give the ceremony meaning by doing this.

If you've answered yes to the above and are keen to meet a celebrant the first thing you need to do is take a look at the celebrant profiles on the HSS website. Choose one you like and if they are free on your date you can either book them straight away or meet them for a chat before making a decision.

Good luck with finding a celebrant no matter what kind of wedding you're having. The ceremony is the one element of a wedding you can't do without so it's worth giving a lot of thought to.

Wedding 'to do' list

2011-01-06T16:25:00.010Z

So you got engaged last year and are setting the date for this year - congratulations! The first thing on many bride's to do list is invest in some wedding magazines, which make it all look very exciting! I completely understand the need for wedding magazines because they are an item that you just can't buy unless you are definitely going to get married!

However, planning your big day can be stressful too, particularly when you realise what it's all going to cost and how much organisation there is to do. Wedding magazines can be really helpful as they often have good planning and budget guides but to get you started here's how I would go about the initial planning.

Venue and Celebrant

These two are the most important elements and must come first, as booking them will allow you to have a definite date for everything else. When it comes to venues I would look at a few places of a different style but try to stick within your budget. The amount of times I've heard couples saying that they've gone way over budget because they went to see a 'mega expensive venue' just 'out of curiosity' then 'fell in love with it'. Please don't be disappointed if you can't afford castles and peacocks: you may be surprised at how special some budget venues can be.

Venues get booked up very quickly but if you're happy to have a non-Saturday wedding or get married out of peak season some of them will cut you a pretty good deal.

Humanist celebrants also get booked up far in advance, especially for Saturdays in the summer, however we often have the odd rogue day waiting to be filled so it is worth checking with individual celebrants if they're free. If not we'll help you find somebody else, so don't panic. The Humanist Society of Scotland trains new celebrants to meet the ever growing demand of our weddings and it's rare that we have to turn weddings away.

In my next post I'll have some questions you might like to consider if you're not sure whether a Humanist wedding is for you.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-06T11:23:00.006Z

I hope you all had a great festive season and are looking forward to what 2011 has to bring. One of my resolutions is to post regularly on this blog!

2010 was a very busy, interesting and rewardable year for me as far as ceremonies and Humanism is concerned. Once again I got to go to some beautiful and unusual venues, work with other friendly and professional wedding suppliers and create thoughtful and beautiful ceremonies with lovely couples.

I've also had the privilege of being the Convenor of the Humanist Society of Scotland which has involved meeting many new and inspiring people within and out of the society as well as acting as a spokesperson on ethical and moral issues in the media.

I conducted two lovely ceremonies for same sex couples last year, one of which was in the city centre of Edinburgh in a very public place. It was especially moving to see tourists stop and watch the ceremony, smiling at the happy couple. It's not so long ago that gay couples could only dream of celebrating their love in such an open and public way. My biggest wish for the coming year is that we see a beginning of the process of same sex couples being allowed to legally marry in Humanist and religious ceremonies.

If you're planning on getting married this year in a Humanist or other ceremony I hope you will follow this blog, as I'll be posting some useful advise in the coming weeks.

The picture of me on this post was taken by Dom at Duke Wedding Photographers. The reason I have my file on my head is that the rain came on suddenly and we all had to run indoors!

All the best for 2011!

Juliet x

The secret of a long and happy marriage

2010-02-10T10:01:00.003Z

If you're in the process of planning your wedding I'm sure Valentine's Day will be a good excuse to forget table plans, bridesmaids' frocks and wedding cars for an evening. Every couple needs time out from wedding planning to remember the reasons they're getting married in the first place!

However, if you would like to spend the most romantic day of the year learning about making your marriage last you could do worse than log into Twitter and follow @longestmarried.

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher, at 102 and 104 years old respectively, married in 1924 and hold the record for being the world's longest married couple. You have until February 12th to tweet your questions to them and they will pick 14 to answer via Twitter on the 14th.

The happy couple cite watching passing trains, counting cars and talking to their neighbours as the common interests that keep them together. Ah, the simple things!

What do other people think of your relationship?

2010-01-07T20:17:00.005Z

Regular readers of this blog may notice I rarely post pictures of weddings I've done these days. This is partly because I have other commitments and don't often 'get round to it' but mainly because I really enjoy writing more advice based articles that might help my wedding couples focus on important aspects of their ceremonies. If you feel that you're an unconventional couple and others don't understand why you're together I hope this post helps you.

There seems to be a new word in our common vocabulary: Cougar. My man at dictionary corner tells me this refers to predatory women who date younger men. While I'm sure the Daily Mail doesn't often intend the term to be a compliment, I consider it to be rather glamorous and can't think of an equivalent for men who date younger women. Would Peter Stringfellow be a Panther, for example? I imagine he'd like to be... But it made me realise that just when society seems to be becoming more open minded about relationships, up pops another term that invites judgement. For the record, I don't buy into the notion that nobody raises an eyebrow when an older man dates a younger woman.

I also work as a Humanist funeral celebrant and am privileged to hear so many people's life stories. In the past people tended to lead more conventional lives. For example, they got married younger, almost always before they had children. Divorce was less common and people seemed to become more comfortable financially as they got older rather than less.

Nowadays it isn't unusual for people to have kids before they tie the knot. Many people I marry have been married before and all but one couple I've met over the last four years have lived together before they decided to get hitched. What on earth would granny say? I'd call this progress, yet how many people now get married in their late teens? Most people today would consider that to be exceptionally young but they certainly didn't 50 years ago.

I often ask my wedding couples whether or not they get on with one another's friends and families and the majority of them tell me that they find the people in their lives incredibly supportive of their relationship. However, I often feel very sad for couples where this isn't the case and there's been tension, often because one of them has been divorced, is older or already has children.

We all speculate on other people's relationships and not always in a negative way. I would imagine most people have heard of a couple they know breaking up when they thought those two people were 'made for each other'. The fact is (and it's a great pity more people don't recognise this) there are only two people who know what a partnership is all about and how rewarding, healthy and loving it is: the two people who are in it!

In a Humanist ceremony couples have a great opportunity to tell the world how it is for them. Why you work well together and what you both individually bring to the union are lovely things to talk about at your wedding. Some people unite because they are opposites and they each bring attributes to the partnership they would lack on their own. Others come together because they are similar and find they have lots in common. I think it's important that you're supported in your marriage, so let's say what it is that makes you a special couple. Of course, if you already have support it's nice to acknowledge that in the ceremony and tell the people there how much their friendship means.

The age issue interests me because as a 34 year old woman I think back to when I was 24 and can clearly see I had a lot of 'personal development' to do. No doubt when I'm 44 I'll look back to this day and want to give my 34 year old self a good talking to. This will hopefully go on for decades and just when I think I 'know it all I'll do the right thing and pop my clogs. In other words, there's no right age to get married, we are never 'complete' people. How boring would life be if it weren't for the lessons we learn along the way?

How To Plan A DIY Wedding

2009-11-18T12:51:00.002Z

I stumbled across this article by Rachel Holmes in The Guardian today and it got me thinking about credit crunch weddings. In it she tells her own interesting story about how she and her fiance organised and planned their celebrations, avoiding expensive country house hotels and omitting to mention the word 'wedding' when making enquiries into self catering accommodation, for fear the price might go up!

I had been expecting less bookings for next year because of the current economic uncertainty, but to my surprise they are still coming in thick and fast. I always ask couples a bit about what they're planning and how they'd like the feel of the day to be. From their responses I think that couples in general are becoming a lot more thoughtful about their budgets and scaling down their spending. In many cases penny pinching is proving to be a good thing, as it's helping couples focus on the stuff that really matters. Although I would never advise people on how to spend their own money I thought it might be useful, if you are planning a wedding, to list some things that will and won't affect how enjoyable your day is for you and your guests. Let's start with some of the things that are not important:

Money

Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to have loads of cash to make a great wedding. Some of the most memorable weddings I've been to are the ones where people spent little money but put lots of imagination into their day. Only recently I was a guest, rather than a celebrant, at a wedding where the couple had erected gazebos in their back garden, everyone brought along a plate of food and some booze and the groom and his band provided the entertainment. Formalities were dispensed with and a thoroughly good time was had by all. Whatsmore, we all felt that by bringing something along and enjoying the party, we had contributed to the couple's enjoyment of their wedding. I'm not saying that the most fabulously expensive weddings can't be fun but that low budget ones can be equally as good.

"What will people think?"

If I had a pound for every time a couple complained to me that relatives were worried about 'what people thought' I'd be wealthy enough to go on a low budget mini break to a European capital. Here's a question: what would people think if you have taxis deliver you to the wedding rather than a vintage car? What would they think if they didn't get a glass of champagne for the toast? What would they think if you decided to not bother with speeches or a line up for handshakes? The short answer is: they wouldn't give a monkey's. Go with what feels comfortable and right for you.

Extras

I would count orders of ceremony, table favours and wedding stationery as 'extras' because you don't need any of them. If you choose to have these things they're all the better if they are thoughtful rather than expensive. A home printed order of ceremony will be cherished if it has some of the lovely poetry in it from the ceremony. Table favours can be something as simple as crayons and paper for the children to play with and some home made tablet for the grown ups. If these things represent your personality and are things people actually want to keep then they aren't a waste of money.

Weather

I marry quite a few couples from the rest of the UK and abroad and they frequently say they are hoping for good weather, to which my question is, "Then why are you getting married in Scotland?" Nobody can buy good weather so stop worrying about it. One thing that can be good about bad weather is people do generally rise to the occasion. Just make sure there's a warm, cosy alternative to getting married on the rainy beach!

Now for some things that are important to consider:

People

Have you ever been to a wedding and thought 'what a wonderful atmosphere!' The atmosphere doesn't come from the ice sculpture in the corner but from the guests having fun and being in warm, high spirits. In my wedding ceremonies I make sure the guests are welcomed, told how important they are to the celebrations and at the end I tell them that their job is to have a thoroughly good time. People appreciate feeling part of a wedding and relish being told to enjoy themselves - it's an instruction I always take very seriously myself!

Contribution

I can't spell this out enough: people LOVE to be asked to help. I remember being at a wedding where the bride's auntie had made the wedding cake. This cake was obviously home made but also very beautiful and was decorated with roses from the aunty's garden. I don't think I've ever seen a cake that was so utterly gorgeous. In fact, everyone commented on how delightful it was. Asking friends and family to help with decoration and baking to contributing songs or readings in the ceremony is a way to ensure your wedding will be personal and memorable to you, your guests and the people who've helped. I was at a wedding a couple of years ago where the bride's mother had grown sunflower plants to go on all the tables. Sure, I've seen plenty of professional centrepieces that had more of a 'wow' factor but what could be more amazing than the fact that this lady had planted each of those seeds, grown, watered and tended to those plants, all through that time thinking about her daughter's wedding day? I conducted a ceremony for two lovely men recently who had a Civil Partnership earlier that day. They got a very close friend to make their wedding rings for them, which were unique and truly special. The friend, a lovely woman, got up at the exchange of the rings and presented them to the couple. If the couple, and I'm sure they will, get as much pleasure out of those rings as their friend did making and giving them to them they will cherish them every day.

Personality

Put your own character and personality into your wedding. Presumably you like yourself, so if you put yourself into your celebrations, you will like your celebrations. I'm sure all your guests love and value you. If your wedding reflects you they will love and value your wedding. It's a pretty simple equation but one the wedding industry doesn't always reflect. If you are the kind of person who'd rather be dancing round a beach bonfire than waltzing round a ballroom then the former may be a better choice for you. People love going to a wedding that reflects the couple they are there to see, so you may find that if you please yourself, you'll please everyone else too.

The marriage

Ok, I admit to a little self-interest here! However, whether you choose a Humanist or religious ceremony, choose one that it absolutely right for you. Put as much thought and effort into the ceremony as you would for everything else about the wedding put together. Really consider the promises you will make and what you consider the commitment to be about. The ceremony is the anchor of the day, the first time everyone is together, welcomed and included. It also marks the beginning of your marriage, so make it mean everything to you.

There's more to life than getting married

I'm not a relationship counsellor by a long mile but by the time some couples come to see me about their wedding they've already booked the venue, photographer, florist, etc and complain that everyone is beginning to have an opinion about how things should be done and who is on the guest list. The fun has gone out of the wedding planning, not helped by the fact that they're often saving up for the big day. All the time spent talking to friends, family and each other seems to be all about the wedding. My suggestion to them is to have some time when talk of the wedding is banned. If you are suffering some pre-wedding blues do something fun together. Go for a walk, take in a movie, treat yourself to a drink or dinner. Talk to each other about anything apart from the wedding. Whether you're spending five or 50 grand on your wedding it's invaluable to remind yourself why you're getting married in the first place.

I'd like to ask for Sinead's hand in marriage

2009-09-22T00:16:00.002+01:00

This video needs no explanation.

Feminist Weddings

2009-08-24T20:20:00.003+01:00

I was intrigued by Ellie Levenson's article in today's Times, where she explains her doubts on getting married and how she made sure her wedding reflected her feminist values.

Can a humanist wedding also be a feminist one? Let's begin by thinking about some traditional aspects of weddings that aren't feminist. First of all it's customary for the chap to propose, unless we're on a leap year where women can pop the question and (according to my dear, departed Gran) ladies who were refused got a pair of gloves as a knock-back gift, presumably to cover the fact they didn't have an engagement ring on their finger. The shame! Personally I don't think I'll ever get down on one knee and ask a man to marry me. At five foot nothin' I'm short enough standing up so crouched down I might be a health and safety hazard, as people would trip over me.

Then there's the moment many men dread: asking Daddy's permission. I'm sure some men still do this but as most couples live together before they get married I would imagine that this is merely a polite (yet declining) tradition and nothing to be taken too seriously. The same goes for being 'given away'.

To 'love, honour and obey'? Aye, right! Dream on...

Taking your husband's surname: many women still do this. I once married a couple where the groom's surname was 'Venus'. If I'd married someone with such a cool surname mine would have been changed by deed poll and on my Boots Advantage Card before I trotted down the aisle.

So, how do we make a humanist ceremony a feminist one? The short answer is: we don't, we make it a humanist wedding. One of the most important aspects of humanism is that we value all people equally. Our ceremonies place tantamount importance on the two people getting married. Yet there are aspects of the ceremony that many women would choose to modernise whether they describe themselves as feminists or not.

For most brides, having their dad walk them down the aisle is a symbolic gesture and everyone is fully aware that nobody is 'giving' or 'being given' away. However I notice some brides have both mum and dad walking them down the aisle and this is very thoughtful. Alternatively, many mums take the role of being a witness, which means they play an important part in the ceremony. There's also the option of entering as a couple and sometimes the bride even comes in on her own or with the bridesmaids.

Does anyone promise to 'obey' their spouse any more? I wouldn't want to marry a couple where either the bride or groom promised to obey the other. If they both promised to obey one another, how would that work? "Take out the rubbish!" "No, you take out the rubbish!" It would all end in tears and the rubbish would never get taken out... I think it's more important to make promises you can keep and ones that reflect what you can, as an individual, bring to the relationship.

In a humanist wedding you don't have to be named as 'Mr and Mrs' anything. The celebrant will legally have to pronounce you to be 'husband and wife' or 'wife and husband' if you prefer. I have had a few ceremonies where the groom has taken his wife's surname and the American fashion for hyphenating both is catching on. A woman's name doesn't automatically change when she gets married and many women keep their maiden name for professional use and take their married name for personal things. It's entirely up to you.

One of the reasons I love conducting humanist weddings is that marriage is not necessary these days. It's not so long ago that society demanded people get married if they wanted to live together and have children. If you've ever read Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice you'll be aware that marriage was once essential for any woman to have a secure place in society. I'm really glad that this is no longer the case and marriage is a positive choice. I think humanist weddings go beyond the notion of a feminist ones: our ceremonies aren't just about the couple but reflect their place in the world and are about them making a commitment in the presence of all the people they love and value.

It is appropriate and considerate that in all Scottish wedding ceremonies the Registrar General has made the legal declarations worded like this:

"I Juliet Wilson accept you George Clooney to be my lawful wedded husband."

"I George Clooney accept you Juliet Wilson to be my lawful wedded wife."

My own personal fantasies aside, don't you think it's lovely that we 'accept' one another in marriage? Most couples presume the wording would be: "I take you to be my wife." No, siree, you offer yourself of your own free will!

There's no need for a feminist (or anyone else) to marry in any type of ceremony but I think that if they want to make a public commitment there's no reason for them not to have a humanist wedding.

Making an entrance!

2009-07-23T09:45:00.002+01:00

Many little girls (or was it just me?) pin their granny's tablecloth to their head and dream about walking down the aisle into Prince Charming's arms: Morton Harkett from A-Ha, in my case. Yet it can be quite an intimidating experience and this is something I usually discuss with couples before the big day. What's often expected to be the most joyous moment in the wedding can feel odd for many brides as they might not be used to being the centre of attention and being in front of a room full of people all staring at you, but saying nothing, can be a surreal experience.

The most important thing to remember is that everyone has been desperate to see you in your frock and they are looking at you with admiration and love. Of course, you don't have to do the 'walking down the aisle with dad' thing. Some brides arrive with the groom and they greet the guests as a couple. Then they might walk down the aisle together or simply come to the front and we begin the ceremony. Alternatively the bride might still arrive last but the groom will go out and they will then walk in together. Some brides choose to walk in with both parents, which I find especially moving.

It helps to choose music that means something special to you, a tune that you will really enjoy coming in to. This week I have a wedding where the bride is making an entrance to Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath! Queen's Don't Stop Me Now remains ever popular, and I've even had a bride coming in to I'm Sticking With You by the Velvet Underground.

I've never had a wedding where the bridal party did anything like this but I so hope to one day!

Kirknewton House Stables Wedding

2008-09-08T15:50:00.004+01:00

Kirknewton House Stables is another venue I seem to visit fairly regularly. I really like it as it is lovely whatever the weather - it's both bright and airy but still cosy.

I was delighted to meet this talented group of musicians, the Capriccio Quartet. As the bride was running ten minutes late they humoured me by playing me the Pizzicato Polka.

Here are the bride and groom, Laura and George. Laura's dress is stunning and so unusua! They make a gorgeous couple and were very open and sweet in expressing how much they loved one another.

Napier University Wedding

2008-09-08T15:37:00.007+01:00

I've been to Napier University's Craighouse Campus a few times now and always receive a warm welcome from Moira the wedding coordinator, who runs a very tight ship! It was a lovely day for Susan and Peter and they had the best dressed snapper I've ever seen:

After the ceremony the guests went out onto the terrace for drinks and enjoyed the view.

I think they look fabulous together! Peter is a magician and although there wasn't any magic in the ceremony (apart from the romantic kind, of course) he did lots at the reception. When I first met them, he did lots of tricks including making me think of a certain card, pulling a coin from behind my ear then putting it in my hand and making it disappear. "Awesome" is a very overused word but it was! I'm thinking of advertising my services in the Magic Circle newsletter now.

Barony Castle Wedding

2008-09-08T15:28:00.004+01:00

I thought Barony Castle sounded very romantic when Lindsey and Graham asked me to marry them there but i had no idea the 'aisle' would be as pretty as this.

There was a big stone 'altar' at the end and it was covered in the most lovely flowers which looked like they had grown there (or would do if real life was like a fairy story).

Here we are during the wedding. It was a bit rainy so the guests stood under the trees with loads of big umbrellas.

Here is a pic of the bridesmaid and Graham's best friend who was the Best Woman!

And just when the ceremony finished, what should happen? The sun came out, and Graham and Lindsey had some lovely photos taken with the sunlight streaming through the trees.

Last minute wedding!

2008-09-08T15:20:00.005+01:00

Usually I meet couples a year in advance before I marry them but that's not always the case. Stephanie and Gary originally planned to get married at another venue by a registrar but as they had to change their plans at the last minute, they moved the ceremony to Harburn House which isn't licensed. I was called in at the 11th hour and we got the whole ceremony completed in a week.

Here are the mothers of the bride and groom looking very elegant in their wedding finery:

Here is Gary hanging out with his friends.

Here are the newlyweds, Stephanie and Gary. It was a lovely surprise having this last minute wedding as they are a terrific couple and the ceremony was a real celebration of their relationship.

Harburn House Wedding

2008-09-08T15:12:00.002+01:00

Moira and Douglas had a lovely wedding at Harburn House. Although it was a lovely day the ceremony was inside but the room was pretty and bright.

Doug’s niece, Karen sang Song to the Moon by Dvorzak from the opera, Rusalka. She was fabulous! Bravo Karen!

I thought this wedding cake was really cute and it has little pigs and a hedgehogs on it.

In the ceremony I said that one of the (many) things Doug loves about Moira is that he can rest his chin on her head when they are having a hug. Here they are enjoying a post wedding cuddle.

Humanist weddings up 64%!

2008-07-23T20:31:00.004+01:00

I'm a bit past being excited about the pop charts these days (or the 'hit parade' as my dad calls it) but one chart we humanist celebrants have been looking forward to is the annual Registrar General of Scotland's marriage statistics.

In the year of 2007 The Humanist Society of Scotland married 710 couples last year, up from 434 in 2006. This figure puts us at number 4 in the wedding charts. The Church of Scotland are still at number one, the Catholic Church at two and the Episcopalians, with only 38 more weddings than us at number three. We still have a long way to go - this chart is for the 'faith' groups and registrar weddings are by far the most popular of all.

The press coverage in the last week has been awesome. My favourite piece of coverage is a thoughtful article by one of my favourite philosophers Julian Baginni in The Herald. I was interviewed by Craig McQueen in The Daily Record and Shan Ross in The Scotsman.

Of course, not everyone is pleased that our weddings are becomming more popular...

On Tuesday's Thought for the Day on BBC Radio Scotland, contributor Alistair McIntosh, a Quaker said that he felt our ceremonies were 'missing something'. I think Alistair Mackintosh himself missed an important point when he said:

"Marriage poses fundamental questions about what it really means to be in a profound relationship with another human being."

In a humanist wedding we don't give couples reasons for getting married but ask them to work out why is is they feel marriage and commitment are important to them. Humanists think that marriage is a choice not a necessity and don't think that a couple who choose not to marry would be living in sin. Therefore couples who marry in a humanist ceremony are making a commitment for reasons that are, deeply considered and 100% positive.

Alistair Mackintosh goes on to say that Humanist weddings have no 'spiritual element'. It is true that humanist weddings do not focus on spirituality but that doesn't mean some humanists wouldn't describe their thoughts on the world around them and their feelings towards their fellow man as 'spiritual'. However it is described, we think that being thoughtful about the world and open to new ideas is a more positive lifestance than accepting dogma.

The Registrar General defines Humanist Society of Scotland weddings in its faith group for statistical purposes. It is ironic that if Alistair Mackintosh was criticising any of the faith groups in those statistics they would have a chance to answer him on Thought for the Day, but we don't because we think rather than believe.

Of course Alistair wouldn't talk about any of the others because their marriage figures are falling or at best stagnant. Perhaps with more people choosing humanism as a positive way of life, it is time for the BBC to rethink its Thought for the Day policy.

I will look forward to tuning into Thought for the Day in 2010, because we estimate that by then we will be a more popular wedding provider than the Catholic Church. I wonder what their contributors will think of that and whether there will be a humanist on talking about it?

Hey, its better to be criticised than ignored, don't you think?

Dirleton Castle Wedding

2008-07-14T22:05:00.008+01:00

Only the lonely...dum, dum, dum, dummi-doo-waah...

Sometimes a piper's place is outdoors as they will be too loud in the actual venue. This piper was great and the sound coming through the open spaces of the vault in Dirleton Castle was haunting and atmospheric.

What a setting! This vault looks amazing as it is but with all the tea-lights is was so romantic. I personally lit at least 20. I really like helping out that way - it is nice to get another job and be useful! Though I got told off later by the photographer for looking the wrong way when he was doing a group shot, so I'm not good at everything.

And here is the happy couple Janine and James. They expressed in the ceremony about how much they wanted to BE married, not just to GET married and as a celebrant I can't ask for more than that.

Personally, I prefer the vault for a wedding but you can get married on the roof and as it was a nice day we all went up there for a toast. Here are the lovely bridesmaid Anne and usher Kevin who both did a reading.

Dynamic Earth Wedding

2008-07-14T21:43:00.002+01:00

There's nothing I like chatting about more than weddings but when I met Marjorie and Adam all they wanted to talk about was their families because that's the most important thing to them. So we made their love for their children and grandchildren a big part of the ceremony and that made it extra special. Young love is a beautiful thing to behold but marrying a couple who are in the 'late summer' of their years was an especially lovely thing to do. I am so happy for them! They are a very much loved couple and when they walked in together they made all of us feel in love too.

I'll have to get more photos of this ceremony. Their grandchildren were at their feet as I pronounced them to be husband and wife, which was so great as they wanted to be part of the proceedings. The piper is what we call in the trade: 'a character' and the wedding coordinator at Dynamic Earth and I had quite a laugh with him before the ceremony.

Point Hotel Wedding

2008-07-14T21:25:00.004+01:00

I've been to many a fancy function at the Penthouse Suite of The Point Hotel but Natalie and David's wedding was the first nuptuals I had officiated at in this dramatic setting. These photos (sweetly taken by one of the coordinators for the venue) just don't do it justice (not her fault - my camera!). Here, you can get married in a modern setting with a fabulous view of Edinburgh Castle in front of you. It is incredibly romantic in a rather groovy, ecclectic way. David and Natalie had a very special ceremony and there was a very warm, intimate atmosphere in the room.

Here we are signing the paperwork.

We all sang 500 Miles by The Proclaimers. This was what we sung at my own wedding and it made me so happy to sing it again. This is the band! Unfortunately the lovely Heather isn't in this photo because she also sang 'In My Life' and she is very beautiful and a lovely girl so I'll see if I can get them to send me a photo of her.

This cake is awesome! Before the ceremony began I asked David where they got the cake, thinking it would be the most expensive cake shop in town. His mother made it! Every inch is flawless and all in those lovely boxes... What I like about it the most is that it is so fitting for the setting: cool, simple and sophisticated.

How to Choose Wedding Poetry and Readings

2008-06-26T19:26:00.005+01:00

Having friends and family contribute to your wedding by reading poetry or prose is a lovely addition to the ceremony. It adds new voices and gets people involved, something we humanists are very keen on.

If you are having a humanist ceremony, your celebrant will give you lots of examples of poetry and prose. You can also go to your local library or bookshop where you'll find lots of great collections of love poetry and you can search on the internet where there is probably too much to choose from.

One important thing to bear in mind when you are selecting readings is to choose them for yourself but also for the person who is going to be reading them. In other words don't give a humorous reading to the most serious person you know! Give them a serious reading which they will carry off really well. I've had a few weddings where very dreamy young women have read romantic, moving pieces which was wonderful, especially for some of the male guests.

I thought I'd share some of my favourites with you:

I absolutely love 'I rely on you' by the late, great Hovis Presley. This is possibly the most popular poem I have heard in my weddings. Here he is performing it himself.

'These I Can Promise' by Mark Twain is romantic but realistic at the same time.

I cannot promise you a life of sunshine;
I cannot promise riches, wealth or gold;
I cannot promise you an easy pathway
That leads away from change or growing old.

But I can promise all my heart’s devotion
A smile to chase away your tears of sorrow;
A love that’s ever true and ever growing;
A hand to hold in yours through each tomorrow.

This extract from 'The Velveteen Rabbit' by Marjorie Williams is my all time favourite reading and I cry every time I hear it. it is a wonderful reading for children to do but adults always love to read it too. Hankies at the ready...

From THE VELVETEEN RABBIT

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.

But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"Someone made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

-----

If you haven't read this story you might want to look away now because a spoiler is coming up...

The Rabbit becomes REAL!

Emotions

2008-06-26T18:38:00.006+01:00

There's one thing that couples tell me they worry about more than anything else - emotions. Grooms seem to worry about this more than their brides as they feel it is socially acceptable for a woman to cry in public but not a man. This is a shame because, in my opinion, there's nothing more touching and endearing than seeing a man be openly emotional.

Most couples are most apprehensive about their emotions coming to the fore during their vows. In humanist ceremonies you can write your vows yourself but if a couple is worried that their heartfelt words will move them to tears, we can write the vows in a way that I ask them as a question and all the couple has to say is, "We do."

I have had a couple of instances where either the bride or groom was worried about the wedding because they had recently lost a parent. It is so awful to think that their wedding day might not be the joyous occasion they hope for because it will be touched with sadness that a special person in their life won't be there. When couples have lost parents before they marry, I always advise them to pick up the marriage schedule a few days before the wedding and have a good look at it. If a parent has died it will say "deceased" in brackets after their name. This could come as quite a shock to a couple signing the paperwork if they haven't seen it earlier.

I think that a good way of dealing with bereavement before the wedding is to take some time out earlier in the day to think about the person you will be missing and focus on how happy they would be for you. It is also good to share these feelings with another family member or friend so that they know how you might be feeling on the day and can support you.

Sometimes unexpected emotions can make a wedding extra special. One of my earliest weddings was for a couple who had been together for 20 years and were mainly getting married for practical reasons although they were having a big wedding and had invited all their family and friends. When I asked the groom how he felt about getting married he sort of shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been together all this time so its hardly that exciting." And on the day? Let's just say that I don't think I have married a more emotional groom! Thier wedding was a celebration of the time they had been together and was incredibly moving.

I have had to supress a sob or two myself at times but only because I was so happy for the couple!

Oxenfoord Castle Wedding

2008-06-25T20:22:00.007+01:00

When Rob and Joanna told me their wedding was going to be at Oxenfoord Castle I'm pretty sure I must have turned a whiter shade of pale. You see, I didn't know Oxenfoord Castle as a wedding venue but as a "School for Gels" where greeen cloaks, green A-line skirts and green knickers were the mandatory dress. A chastity wardrobe, so to speak.

Anyway, it was a cathartic experience for me to go back to OC for a celebration rather than a green cloak fashion extravaganza. This was where the ceremony was held, which used to be the dining room.

In my day only teachers were allowed to go up this staircase and drinking got you expelled. Isn't it great they've built a bar here?

This is where I had to pray every morning - on my knees. But I was only pretending, of course, and often not even bothering to do that.

This is the headmistress's study where I got a severe ticking off on several occasions.

Finally, a lovely sight. The very talented musician Kim Edgar who played some lovely music including a personal favourite, Let's Get Married! by the Proclaimers.

I've saved the best till last. Don't Rob and Joanna look like they are bursting with happiness? They had a naming ceremony for their beautiful daughter Olivia in the middle of the wedding ceremony and that made the whole event so special for me. When couples have children before they get married they already have a living, breathing symbol of the love between them and what could be better to celebrate than that?

Duddingston Loch Wedding

2008-06-25T20:00:00.002+01:00

Rod and Fi are people who really care about the world around them, so it was very appropriate for them to be married in a nature sanctuary. Here are the residents:

From getting to know them I just knew that Fi would have a very groovy outfit for her big day. I so wish I'd had wings on my wedding day. Here they are with their beautiful daughter Lori cat.

This is a very cool bridesmaid. She also had wings and the little red dots on her dress are ladybirds. Now why didntt I have some ladybirds on my wedding dress? They were all carrying wild flowers which was a thoughtful touch.

It is so nice to gather for a wedding in an outside setting and it was a cool, comfortable mid-summers day. Here is a picture of the happy throng.

Dundas Castle Wedding

2008-06-25T19:37:00.002+01:00

I'm not particularly musical (as a few couples who have been brave enough to hear me singing will tell you!) but, even to an amatuer like me, a good musician really stands out. Roddy The Piper, or Pipe Major Roderick Deans, as he is officially known, is one of the best in the business and a lovely guy too - just look at that boyish smile! I was delighted to see him at my last Dundas Castle wedding for Carole and Scott.

At Dundas they take the wedding party up to the roof straight after the ceremony but this was the first time I'd been up there and the view was stunning. I really liked the way the photographer set up this shot.

See that look of love there? That wasn't posed. Carole and Scott couldn't keep their eyes off each other. I actually shed a tear when I was taking these pictures because they are great people as individuals but as a couple they are even more special.

Hopetoun House Wedding

2008-06-25T19:21:00.003+01:00

Hopetoun House is a legendary venue, no question! Yet the main reason I was really looking forward to doing my first wedding there was that it was my second wedding for a member of the same family. Last year I married this lovely couple Tarini and Ed, and here they are eight months on. Tarini was a bridesmaid.

Maya is an absolutely gorgeous girl too, and they are both as clever as they are beautiful. Here is a pic of the ceremony. John the groom was a bit nervous beforehand but calm and collected through the ceremony, which is more than can be said for me because one of their friends read an extract from The Velveteen Rabbit, so I was suppressing my sobs. It was so lovely to see so many of the guests from last time, as they are a very friendly group of people, especially Maya and Tarini's adorable granny.

And here is a picture of the handsome couple.

Unfortunately there are no other sisters for me to marry but Maya and Tarini have a very handsome younger brother who will surely be snapped up before long!

Garden Wedding

2008-06-13T21:10:00.004+01:00

Lindsey and Peter both work in Edinburgh's Botanic Gardens, so it seemed fitting for them to get married outdoors. Lindsey's dad did a great job in making his garden fit for a beautiful bride.

It has a huge hedge and here is the groom sitting in front of it. He cuts it and has to climb up inside it to do so.

There was a piper hiding in the hedges too...

Here they are, newly married. During the ceremony they looked at each other with such love and affection I was nearly crying.

Dancebase Wedding

2008-06-13T20:55:00.003+01:00

Doreen and William are a very cool couple: partly because they got married in the spacious, modern setting of Dancebase in Edinburgh's Grassmarket but mainly because we all sang along to That's Amore! by Deam Martin - a tune that was played at my own wedding.

Here are all their guests lining up on the steps to get their picture taken.

And the happy couple themselves.

Time for Reflection

2008-06-13T20:30:00.006+01:00

When I decided to become Humanist Society of Scotland celebrant I thought it was important to get to know and become involved with the Society. I sit on the Board of Trustees and my main aim is to promote Humanism and our ceremonies, so I was delighted when the Presiding Officer of the Scottish Parliament invited me to lead the Time For Reflection slot, which happens at the beginning of Wednesday afternoon's business. This slot is open to people of all faiths and none to speak and as the last Humanist speaker was Nigel Bruce eight years ago, I really hope that we get invited back before 2016! You can view a video of my reflections on the HSS website.

If you squint you can just see me in this pic. The chamber looks huge on the tv but is very small in real life. I took along my proud mum!

Rugby Club Wedding

2008-05-12T23:15:00.004+01:00

Caroline and Chris completely embraced the idea of having exactly the sort of wedding they really wanted. They had the whole day at Stuart Melville Rugby Club and had a great party. What I liked about them so much is that they knew exactly what they wanted and that was for everyone to have a fantastic time. They also were very confident in making it all very personal to them and they created a ceremony that really reflected their personalities. A big feature of the wedding was the music they had, all played by DJ Tommy who was a lovely guy. He does a lot of hospital radio and charity work and was a total honey. He is posing in the photo as if he is very frieghtened of me. Can't think why!

I simply had to take a picture of these guys. What cool wedding guests! Linda, the glamorous girl on the left, sweetly took some pics of the ceremony for me.

Some of Caroline and Chris's friends did a reading.

At this point I have to apologise to Liz the photographer. In the rehearsal she asked me to move aside when the kiss happened. I reassured her that I usually do this anyway but the big balloon archway wasn't there in the rehearsal and I found myself trapped in it. I think I managed to get out of there before the kissing ended so hopefully Liz got a good shot.

Carlone and Chris are bikers and I think this wedding cake is smashing! They had Born to be Wild played at the end of the ceremony.

Harburn House Wedding

2008-05-12T16:58:00.004+01:00

Susan and Martin got married in the charming setting of Harburn House. The guests were all enjoying the warm weather outside when I arrived.

Here is the stunning bride with her foxy bridesmaids and adorable flower girl.

The glamorous and imaginitively named Strings Aloud provided the music.

Susan and Martin are a couple who enjoy a laugh and their ceremony was moving and a lot of fun too, just the way they wanted it to be!

Calton Hill Wedding

2008-05-12T16:42:00.003+01:00

Conducting weddings in and around Edinburgh always reminds me of how lucky I am to live and work in such a beautiful city. Rik and Jane got permission to have their wedding on Edinburgh's Calton Hill. It is really easy to moan about bureaucracy but I am very impressed with the council (or whoever gives out permission for such events) for allowing couples to use the hill and have the backdrop of the city as a venue for their wedding.

Rik and Jane had some fabulous guests, not least the bride's glamorous sisters:

Here comes the bride with her son who also had the honour of being the best man.

Their friend Anne read a very personal and moving speech.

This tourist simply had to have her picture taken with the happy couple!

And here they are, just after signing the paperwork which you can see me finishing off on the bonnet of a Moris Minor!

Jane and Rik care very deeply about the world around them and this was expressed in the ceremony. They are a lovely couple and I was so happy to see the sun come out for them!

Gilmerton House Wedding

2008-05-05T17:58:00.004+01:00

Glmerton House is a venue that really has it all. It is a most elegant Georgian mansion, situated in the loveliest part of the East Lothian countryside and has the gorgeous Lady Maureen Kinloch as its Chatelaine. A finer hostess you would be pushed to meet.

Maureen's brother in law Ian married Betty there and they had an intimate private ceremony on the balcony with the rest of the family looking up from the lawn below:

They had their children with them during the ceremony and what it lacked in numbers it more than made up for in love and happiness!

Fettes College Wedding

2008-05-05T17:47:00.003+01:00

There's a first time for everything, such as being a humanist celebrant and marrying a couple in a chapel. Alison and Michael decided to get married in the Chapel at Fettes College and the Chaplain and Headmaster of the school agreed to allow a Humanist to do the honours. I think that was very kind and generous of them. it was an impressive setting and the whole operation was run to perfection by Joanna, pictured below.

And here is Michael with his best man keeping those nerves in check!

The wedding was beautiful and it was lovely to be surrounded by the stunning, sexy bridesmaids. They all had a different dress and looked amazing.

As you can see Alison was an absolutely gorgeous bride and they make a handsome couple. The played the Proclaimer's song "Let's Get Married" when they signed the register, which made me very happy and a bit emotional too.

Channings Wedding

2008-04-25T19:49:00.006+01:00

Big weddings often create a fantastic atmosphere but small, intimate ceremonies have a charm of their own. Susan and John got married in the cosy, luxuriousness of Channings Hotel in Edinburgh and had only their closest family and dearest friends there.

John and Susan mentioned in the ceremony that they love good food and wine but they also love running, which is why they both look so svelte and gorgeous! There was lots of laughter in the ceremony, because they are people who don't take themselves seriously and all their guests felt comfortable enough to really enjoy being with them and laugh along.

Susan's brother's partner Emily sang the Norah Jones song, "Come Away With Me", which she did beautifully and brought a tear to a few eyes.

I think she may be a star of the future and you can check out a couple of her Myspace pages, Emily Burden Music and her band Stella66

And here is John's sister Yvonne, who did a reading, and bridesmaid Beth, both looking fabulous.

Wedding music

2008-04-15T00:42:00.006+01:00

Every time I hear 500 miles on the radio it reminds me of a wedding, as it must be the most popular tune for a wedding sing song!

Pipers, harpists and string quartets are all lovely ways of bringing music into the ceremony, but I like to reassure couples that if they either don't want or can't afford musicians, then CDs or an ipod with some of your favourite music work just as well, if not better.

Music can also be a way of getting people involved in the ceremony either by asking a friend to sing something or having everyone on their feet, belting out a song! When people sing solo or as a duet they can be accompanied by a guitar or keyboard but I have also heard some lovely songs being sung without accompaniment, often traditional love songs such as the Eriskay Love Lilt.

If you fancy some communal singing at your ceremony be sure to choose a song that everyone knows really well and has an easy melody to sing along to, otherwise I find myself having to lead the singing and that you definately don't want! This is great fun to do and goes down a treat.

Ten things I love about you - a guide to humanist wedding vows, part two

2008-04-13T13:42:00.004+01:00

In my last post we worked out how the vows can be said and that it doesn't have to be a frieghtening experience!

As you can see from the picture above, I usually ask couples to stand close together and hold hands when they say their vows, as this helps with their nerves!

But what can be daunting is working out exactly what you are going to say in the wedding vows, after all, it is the one chance you have to make this public commitment and you are going to want to make it special.

When I first meet couples I send them away with a little excersise to do. They each write a list of ten things that they love about the other person. These lists are useful for expressing why they love one another in the ceremony and also for the vows.

Usualy when couples swap lists there are a few surprises. Although we know we love someone and accept that they love us, we may not articulate why. Perhaps because questioning someone's love for you is percieved to be a negative act. But doing it this way is great fun, very romantic and you may just find out something about yourself that you never knew before!

When couples swap these lists they often see things that they love about one another that are similar. For example, both might have written that they love each other because they are both supportive, generous, love to laugh and look at the fun side of life. Then there may be reasons that are different. Say, for exaple the groom loves the bride because she is grounded and down to earth and she always focusses on the positive things in life and challenges the way they both see the world. She might love him because he is adventurous, up for trying new experiences and encourages her to fulfill her dreams. Taking these similarities and differences into account, their wedding vows could go something like this:

Celebrant:
Jane and Duncan, do you both promise to be supportive partners to one another even when times are difficult?

Jane and Duncan:
We do.

Celebrant:
Do you both promise to be generous to one another and to those around you materially and with time, care and attention?

Jane and Duncan:
We do.

Celebrant:
(these vows are repeated in short phrases, not all at once!)
Jane, please repeat after me: Duncan, I promise to help us keep our feet on the ground and focus on the positive things in life. I promise to be understanding to you and continue to approach life with an open mind and challenge the way we both see the world.

Celebrant:
Duncan, please repeat after me: Jane, I promise to continue to bring adventure into our lives and encourage us both to try new experiences. I promise to respect you as an individual, encourage you in your dreams and invite you to share in mine.

Celebrant:
Jane and Duncan, do you both promise to try to continue to see the fun side of life and enjoy laughing together?

Jane and Duncan:
We do!

I hope you can see that these vows would be special to this couple as they are promising to endeavour to keep the attributes that means so much to their partner. It is also a good way of showing their similarities and differences because some couples do have quite different personalities.

Although this is a good way of approaching your vows it isn't the only way. Going with the more traditional vows: "For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health", is also great and acknowledging that marriage isn't always easy is a positive thing to promise on your wedding day.

The most important thing to remember is that your celebrant should encourage you to be comfortable with every aspect of the wedding and as the vows are the most important part, you should work with your celebrant if you have any doubts at all in what you are going to say or how you are going to say it. Did you notice that in the last vow above I asked them to promise to 'try to' see the fun side of life? I think it is important to make promises you can keep!

"I do!" A guide to humanist wedding vows, part one

2008-04-13T12:36:00.008+01:00

My spinning instructor at the gym mentioned to me that she was thinking about having a humanist wedding but didn't like the thought of saying vows she had written herself. This is a subject that often comes up in the initial meeting I have with couples. As soon as I say, "And in a humanist ceremony you can write your own vows!" someone often looks completely terrified.

When I used to come home from school and was supposed to be doing my homework, I often watched Neighbours and whenever there was a wedding the vows were always absolutely cringeworthy!

BUT - it doesn't have to be this way. in fact, creating your own vows can be the best part of the process. A humanist wedding should reflect your personality, not mine or Charlene and Scott's (aka Kylie and Jason). If you are a 'call a spade a spade' kind of person, that is the way you should approach your wedding vows. Similarly, if you are very creative and poetic, you should reflect this in your wedding vows. Just because you are saying something in front of other people, doesn't mean you can't talk the way you normally do. Here's an example of a vow that I would ask a groom to repeat after me phrase by phrase:

"I Steven, take you Sheila to be my wife. I promise to be the best husband I can be. To be a good father to any children we may have in the future, to approach our future with an open mind, and to love and care for you for the rest of my life."

Or you can say very little. Instead of repeating the vow after me I can ask it as a question. For example:

"Sheila, do you promise to be the best partner you can be to Steven, to support him through happy and difficult times, to bring fun and laughter into his life and be true to him and yourself throughout your life together?"

"I do!" says Sheila.

I can also ask the question to both the bride and groom at the same time:

"Steven and Sheila, do you both promise to be loving and caring to one another through good times and bad, to encourage one another in your dreams and ambitions and to be faithful to each other throughout your life together?

Steven and Sheila: "We will."

I find that once I've explained this to most couples it really puts their mind at ease and they can start enjoying creating their vows.

This picture is of Nicole and Stephen saying their wedding vows. He had just promised to always try and bring laughter into her life. She immediately started laughing and that got us all going. I think he was off to a good start!

The next post will be A guide to humanist wedding vows, part two: what to promise!

For richer, for poorer

2008-03-28T16:20:00.008Z

Its a sad thing but one of the main worries for people getting married these days is, "How are we going to afford it?"

The average cost of a wedding is now £18,490, as it says here in The Times. I don't grudge anyone spending this kind of money if they have it. In fact I am definately in the Elton John school of wealth distribution and reckon, if you have it, why not spend it?

But I don't think that you have to spend a fortune to have a great wedding, in fact, it is often the case that the less you spend the more special your ceremony is. All you need is a rich imagination - in fact I think this is a good approach even if you can afford to splash out.

So whether you are rolling in cash or counting the pennies here are some low cost tips for making your big day extra special!

The Venue
In a humanist ceremony you can get married anywhere so why not choose a beach or a woodland which are both completely free! Or if you aren't having a big wedding you could use your own home. This means you can decorate it the way you want, have the ceremony at whatever time you want and stay up partying as long as you are able. Some of the loveliest ceremonies I have done were in people's back gardens, sometimes under a gazeebo if the rain was threatning. Often venues like village halls and community centres are very cheap. . Usually you can bring in your own drinks for venues like these too.

Wedding Stationery
Do you really need to have properly printed wedding invitations, orders of ceremony and place names? If you aren't a whiz on photoshop the chances are you will have a friend who is. Many couples I marry already have children, so if you do, why not get them to 'design' something? Ok, they may look like something Jackson Pollock came up with on a bad day, but everyone will think it is a cute idea.

Cake

I once offered to organise the cake for a friend's wedding and she wanted a traditional fruit cake. Some bakeries wanted to charge £200 for just one layer. In the end we bought one from ASDA for £30. it was really small but I tiered it and made some icing flowers for the top of it and it looked really pretty. As often happens with fruit cakes at weddings, nobody ate any. Last year I made a cake for a couple of friends. it was a Chocolate, Stem Ginger and Grand Marnier, three layered monster and cost £40 all in. Here's the baby:

Robert, the groom had a notion for golden oak leaf flowers to be on the cake. At the end of the day it had all been gobbled up, oak leaves and all.

The Frock
I have heard through the wedding dress rail that many brides are buying a good quality or designer gown instead of a wedding dress, which can work out a whole lot cheaper. I've also married a few brides who have had the graciousness to tell me that their dress was from E-bay and they looked just as gorgeous as every other bride. In the top photo of this post you will see my beautiful bridesmaid in a lovely golden dress. It was made by me and my mother and cost £40 in fabric.

There are many other ways to save money and keep things special. If you aren't the sort of person who listens to string quartet or harp music at home, it may be a more personal option for you to have CD music at your wedding and play tunes you really love. You could go to the flower market and do your own arrangements. I think the key is to ask people you know for help. many of your friends will wonder what they are going to give you for your wedding present and may end up buying something you neither want nor need, so asking them to help out with the preperations will save you money and make them feel helpful.

Fame at last!

2008-02-19T21:32:00.004Z

The Humanist Society of Scotland recently announced a 59% increase in the demand for legal Humanist Weddings in Scotland making it the fifth top wedding supplier in the Registrar General of Scotland's 'religion table'.

Celebrants of the Society conducted 675 legal marriages during 2007, an increase of 59% on 2006 when the figure was 465. 525 weddings are already booked for 2008 and predictions suggest they will continue to increase in popularity and by 2010 will overtake those of the Roman Catholics, Methodists and the Episcopalians. Read the press coverage in The Herald

This story was featured on Reporting Scotland recently and yours truely gets 5.4 seconds of fame. They filmed me for about ten minutes to get these words of wisdom.

Scottish Wedding Directory!

2008-02-19T21:06:00.003Z

I'm in the current issue of The Scottish Wedding Directory! This is very exciting for me. For a wedding celebrant to be interviewed by TSWD is like a fashion designer getting into Vogue.

Here is a transcript of the interview:

Can you explain what humanism is?

Humanism is an ethical stance that asserts that we can lead good lives without religion or superstition and humanists are vitally concerned with issues that affect our world. We accept other people whatever their race, creed, colour, age, gender or sexuality. Humanists think that we can only advance as a society and solve problems through reason and compassion.

In short, Humanism is about the things that bring us together rather than those that divide us. We may not always agree with one another but listening is a very important step towards understanding.

What does a humanist wedding consist of?

A Humanist ceremony is both legal and meaningful. The most important aspect of the ceremony from a Humanist point of view is that it should be personal and unique to the couple getting married. It should reflect their love for one another and their views on what marriage means to them.

A Humanist wedding is entirely secular but can have elements of a traditional wedding. In Humanist ceremonies the couple rarely stand facing the celebrant but instead either face each other or their guests. This is because in a Humanist ceremony you are not getting married in the eyes of God or the state but in the eyes of Humanity and for most couples that means their friends and family.

What's the advantage of choosing a Humanist wedding over a civil one? What's the difference between a Humanist wedding and a civil one?

A civil wedding has to take place in a licensed venue, whereas a Humanist ceremony can take place anywhere that is ‘safe and dignified’. Humanist celebrants have conducted ceremonies on hilltops, and beaches, in woodlands and in people’s back gardens. We also do ceremonies in more traditional settings such as hotels and marquees.

The most important difference between a civil and Humanist ceremony is that although some registrars will allow you to personalize some parts of the ceremony, we allow you to make the whole ceremony uniquely yours. You have to say your legal declarations as you would in any other legal wedding ceremony but the Humanist ceremony is the most personal and thoughtful option for couples who do not want a religious ceremony.

Do we need another ceremony to make the marriage legal?

No, providing you complete the usual paperwork, as you would do with any form of wedding that is approved by the Registrar General, the wedding is fully legal. Weddings conducted by a registered Humanist celebrant have been legal in Scotland since June 2005.

When I mentioned the possibility of a humanist ceremony to my mum she said it all sounded a bit too 'new age' for her liking and that that sort of thing was just for hippies. How can I reassure her that the day will be suitably dignified?

Humanist Celebrants do sometimes officiate at ceremonies that have a New Age ‘feel’ but we also do ceremonies that are very traditional. I am most concerned that couples create a ceremony that reflects their personalities. I have officiated at a ceremony where the guests were all sitting on the grass in the couple’s garden and another in a country house hotel that was extremely formal. For both couples anything else other than the ceremony they chose would have been wholly inappropriate as their ceremonies reflected their views on what makes a meaningful wedding.

Most couples choose to have a ceremony that looks and feels like what people know a wedding to be with some traditional elements. In a Humanist ceremony there is always the opportunity to have romance, fun and humour in the ceremony too.

Do we still get to exchange rings, vows etc and to kiss at the end?

Yes, most couples exchange rings (but they don’t have to), we encourage couples to say their own personal vows and they have to say the legal declaration too. We can also incorporate other symbolic gestures such as handfasting or lighting candles.

Of course you kiss at the end! I’ve had weddings where the couple kissed at the beginning and at some points in between too. The more kissing the better, as far as I am concerned!

How many humanist weddings take place in Scotland each year?

Our weddings were given legal status in June 2005 and we conducted 83 weddings during the rest of that year. In 2006 we did 425 legal weddings and we expect to find that the numbers have gone up considerably since then and will continue to grow.

What advice would you give people who are worried about nerves on the day?

For some people their wedding day will be the first time in their lives that they are the centre of attention and this is quite daunting. I try to reassure the couple that they don’t have to say their vows out loud but can respond to a question and say “I do”. But the most important thing to remember if you are nervous is that all the people around you are your friends and family and they are there to support you on the day. No matter how nervous couples are before the wedding they always enjoy the experience in the end. A Humanist ceremony helps with this as the couple is involved in creating a ceremony that they will feel comfortable with and enjoy.

Any funny wedding stories you'd care to share?

The very first wedding I officiated at was on the beach at Belhaven Bay and the bride was to walk in to Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now. I asked the groom if we should fade out the music when once she’s arrived. He looked at me as if I was mad and said: “Nobody fades out Queen!” So we all had a bit of a dance whilst the song finished.

In your experience what are the most common problems on the wedding day? (or leading up to the wedding)

The most common problem is worrying too much about what’s going to go wrong, and really, what’s the worst that can happen? On my own wedding day we thought that the musicians weren’t going to turn up at all for the ceremony and they ended up being half an hour late so I had to wait in the car before being played in. Lots of things didn’t go to plan but our friends and family were there and everyone had a great time. In the end it didn’t matter because good organisation doesn’t make a wedding day special but having a meaningful ceremony and adding personal touches to the day does.

Anything else you think couples should know about either humanism or getting married generally?

I think if you have a lot of money to splash out on a wedding then that is great but I would like people to bear in mind that a fantastic wedding doesn’t have to be expensive. Some of the loveliest weddings I’ve been to were the more home spun ones that cost very little. More than once I’ve admired a spectacular wedding dress and the bride has whispered “E-Bay” into my ear!

Merchant's Hall Wedding

2008-02-19T20:26:00.003Z

What happens in January? Nothing apart from bad weather, Christmas guilt and general misery. But not if you are friends with Emma and Fraser! They decided to get married in January at The Merchant's Hall and this gave everyone, including me, something to look forward to.

Here's The Queen!

She looks quite the fox in her younger years, doesn't she?

And here is another gorgeous girl.

A nicer couple you could not meet.

Here they are signing the paperwork.

Kirknewton House Stables Wedding

2008-02-19T20:05:00.002Z

Danielle and Roland married at Kirknewton House Stables and as the wedding was in December it had quite a Christmassy feel.

Both their mothers did a reading and here is Danielle's mum looking at her son in law to be with fondness.

And Roland making it legal!

Danielle is a jewellery designer and needless to say the rings were lovely. Her shop is called Rock Candy.

Abden House Wedding

2008-02-19T19:54:00.003Z

Charlotte and Neil got married at Abden House on a crisp, clear winter's day. The clarsach music was perfect for this intimate venue.

And here is the lovely couple.

I just love Charlotte's bolero and, of course, the fact that they look so happy!

Stair Arms Hotel Wedding

2008-02-19T19:44:00.001Z

What bride could ask for a lovelier wedding present than this?

This is Louise's surprise flower girl with her mum and dad.

Louise and David were married at the Stair Arms just outside Pathhead. As you may have noticed, David is in the army and I think they would be very proud to see him so well turned out.

Louise's brother is in a pipe band and he piped her in but when the ceremony was over the staff at the hotel opened the doors and there was the whole pipe band waiting for them.

And here is the happy couple.

Best Men

2008-02-19T18:35:00.005Z

A touching groom and best man moment!

I'm not qualified to advise on how to choose a best man, but am more than happy to share my experience of this rare breed because my grooms spend their last moments of sigledom with two people - their best man and me...

I often feel quite sorry for best men because not only do they have to make a speech that is expected to be funny without going too far and look after the rings for at least twenty minutes but they often, particularly the younger, single ones, feel like they are losing their friend. Poor lambs. Sometimes this leads them to erratic behaviour like saying to the groom, "Let's go for a wander?" just as the bride's car is pulling up. They almost always make a joke about losing the rings and inevitably we are all so relieved that they actually have the rings we end up finding this prank hilariously funny.

But I have encountered some stellar best men. There was the ex army best man who ran the show with military precision and sweetly held my script at exactly the right time so I could perform a handfasting and produced the rings before I'd even asked for them, the many best men who offer their friend comforting words when he is either nervous or emotional and the best men who are so excited to be a best man either because they feel it is a great honour or are especially looking forwards to a dance with the foxy bridesmaid...

I once did a wedding and was introduced to the 'better man'. When I asked why he was called the 'better man' the groom replied, "Nobody could possibly describe John as the 'best'." To which John added, "He's absolutely right, the better man is what I am!" I wonder if this better man got his sweeter revenge in his speech?

Choosing Witnesses

2008-02-19T18:13:00.007Z

When it comes to witnesses most couples choose their chief bridesmaid and best man, usually because this is the way its taditionally done and often because they haven't been given any other options.

But let's face it, the best man and bridesmaid already have a great job to do on the day and making other people your witnesses is an oportunity to involve them in an important part of the ceremony. If a groom has had a hard time choosing between two of his best friends to be best man, he can make the other one a witness. I've also had a few weddings where both mums have been witnesses and this is especially lovely because, unlike men, women don't have such a high profile role in ceremonies as they get older.

At one wedding I saw a lovely choice of witness. The bride's parents had split up when she was very young and she was close to both her father and her step father. Her father walked her down the aisle but her step father was a witness, which was a touching way of making him feel important on the day. I've also had a couple's (grown up) children be witnesses, aunties, siblings and friends who weren't as close to the bride and groom as their best man and bridesmaid but who were the people who introduced them to each other.

In a humanist ceremony there is the opportunity for the celebrant to introduce the witnesses and say why they have been asked by the couple to be part of the ceremony.

Making someone a witness is a good way of making a special person in your lives feel important, but if you choose to have your best man and bridesmaid be your witness, that's fine too!

Playfair Library Wedding

2007-12-30T17:20:00.002Z

Ed and Tarini married in the elegant Playfair Library.

Their friend Pietro, who is a professional opera singer provided some beautiful music.

And here is the happy couple. Gorgeous!

Borthwick Castle Wedding

2007-12-30T17:15:00.001Z

Kate and Carl married in Borthwick Castle. Here is a picture taken just after I realised that I'd pronounced Carl's surname wrong.

This couple were glowing all through the ceremony and so in love.

Mansfield Traquair Wedding

2007-12-30T16:45:00.001Z

Mansfield Traquair is one of the grandest venues I've been to.

Gareth and Sarah are a lovely young couple who wrote a funny and touching ceremony.

I thought that the best thing about the wedding was the way they got friends involved. This lady is as creative as she is pretty and made this splendid cake.

Here is a very talented chap:

His name is Barrie Bignold and he is the groom's brother in law. I was told that Barrie was going to provide the music for the ceremony and when I was introduced to him, I kept thinking, "Where is his guitar?" He told me that the music was pre recorded and I thought that it was quite strange that someone would record themselves playing rather than play live. It turned out that through the wonder of technology, Barrie had recorded a whole 'orchestra' playing music that he composed himself and I am reliably informed that he has been nominated for an Ivor Novello award. Needless to say the music was awesome - the full orchestral whammy with a few bagpipes thrown in! Next time you tune into Nigella Bites, that's Barrie's music you're hearing. According to his profile, he is also responsible for some of the Tweenies music too, but we'll let that one go...

The George Hotel Wedding

2007-12-30T16:35:00.001Z

Kirsty and Rory married in the chic setting of The George Hotel in the city centre of Edinburgh. Just before the ceremony began, lots of the staff were waiting outside the function suite. They all stand there to give the bride a big round of applause when she arrives, which we heard inside. I don't know if this gave Rory a touch of nerves or relief.

The ceremony was lovely and I particularly noticed the music which I thought was quite dramatic but romantic at the same time. it was the soundtrack to Jurassic Park, which is Rory's favourite movie!

Here is a happy bride and groom with their piper.

Edinburgh Castle Wedding

2007-10-01T10:27:00.002+01:00

What I like about Edinburgh Castle is that it can be a venue for huge big weddings and more intimate ones too. Alex and Lynn decided to get married in the Gatehouse, which was a nice, cosy room. This was another very emotional wedding as Alex and Lynn had known each other for many years before they finally got together. I think they make a lovely couple.

And here are the bridesmaids, Lynn's sister Wendy and niece Evie who read Us Two from Winnie the Pooh. Adorable!

Mavis Hall Park Wedding

2007-10-01T09:54:00.001+01:00

I'd never been to Mavis Hall Park before Gail and Graham asked me to do their ceremony there. As soon as I saw this, I knew I was going to love it!

There were lots of chickens mingling around! My pics of the barn don't do it justice, I'm afraid. It was beautiful and cosy with hay bails all round the walls.

Gail and Graham were going to have a bonfire in the courtyard later and a pig spit roast for dinner. Here they are looking gorgeous.

Craigmillar Castle Wedding

2007-10-01T09:41:00.001+01:00

Mary and Vince really went to town to make their wedding personal and a lot of fun.

Craigmillar Castle is a beautiful venue but I wonder if it is the first time they have ever had a powerpoint presentation as part of the ceremony...

This was a lovely idea. Mary and Vince sent out a reply slip with their invitations and invited all their guests to write what marriage mens on it. They created this lovely slide show with music playing in the background and the messages from their gusts were intercepted with photos of themselves throughout their relationship. The slide above says: "Not being too idealistic and knowing that loving is more secure than being in love". Another said : "A figment of the imagination (only joking!)" It meant that all the guests contributed to the ceremony.

Mary and Vince's mums were the witnesses.

And here is the most important part of the ceremony.

Mary and Vince enjoying a well deserved cuddle and glass of Champers.

The Hub Wedding

2007-10-01T09:31:00.001+01:00

What makes a 'cool' wedding? For me its when you take some traditional elements and add a few of your own.

Joanna and Joe married in the Hub in Edinburgh, which is a pretty traditional venue but instead of walking into Highland Cathedral or the wedding march, Joanna entered to Love is better than a warm trombone by Gomez - I had no idea what the music was till I heard it - but let me tell you, it was pretty Rockin! Here she is:

The ceremony was in the main hall and we were up on the stage.

They left to more groovy music and here they are newly married!

Dundas Castle Wedding

2007-08-26T21:18:00.000+01:00

Alison and Mick married in splendid style at Dundas Castle near South Queensferry. Can you spot the difference?

The happy couple looked very regal in the historical setting of "The Old Keep"

At Dundas castle they Ring the bell when the bride arrives and when the couple are married.

And here is Bob, today's bell ringer:

Alison and Mick's wedding was a lot of fun and at their Champagne reception after the wedding they had a jazz band playing:

And a chocolate fountain courtesy of The Chocolate Fondue Fountain company.

Abden House Wedding

2007-08-26T21:07:00.002+01:00

I love these intimate groom and best man moments:

Jo and Rob met in Sydney, moved to New York to be together, have now moved back to Sydney and were married in Edinburgh! And they had guests from all over the world come over to celebrate their wedding with them in Abden House which seems to be a very regular haunt of mine these days!

Jo and Rob make a very handsome couple, don't you think?

And Here are the bridesmaids and best man looking very Sex in the City.

Melrose Abbey wedding

2007-08-26T20:48:00.000+01:00

I caught the bus to Melrose to marry Kerry and Alistaire. I had never been to Melrose Abbey before and would never have thought that you can hire it for a wedding venue. How stunning is this?

Apparently Robert the Bruce's Heart is buried there! The sun was shining on melrose and it was a lovely ceremony.

Some people may think it is strange to have a Humanist wedding in a 'religious' building. Here is what Kerry and Alistaire wrote in their ceremony which explains their reasoning much better than I can:

"Kerry and Alasdair did think it may seem ‘odd’ to have a humanist ceremony in an Abbey as for many who visit and see this beautiful surrounding, Melrose Abbey represents a rich and deep religious history.

When they knew Melrose Abbey had been deconsecrated, and therefore allowed ceremonies such as today’s to be carried out, they realised that the Abbey could not be a more apt place to have their ceremony, as it now stands as a striking historical symbol which accommodates different beliefs and values, illustrating how our society accepts the way that individuals chose to lead their life. "

I think this is a very sensible and quite moving way to think about these historic buildings.

And if I haven't given enough reasons that i loved this location, how about this very dashing gentleman who was the master of ceremonies?

The Water Tower Wedding

2007-08-03T21:22:00.002+01:00

Isn't the Water Tower in Dalkeith a gorgeous setting for a wedding? It's owned by Gerry Goldwyre who was cooking up the loveliest canapes when the ceremony was happening - he won Masterchef, back in the days it was worth winning.

The garden looked over the valley and was so lovely. And so are the happy couple, Euan and Seonaid.

A nice touch in the ceremony was when both both Seonaid and Euan's mums did a reading and they both read beautifully.

A Country House wedding

2007-08-03T21:11:00.000+01:00

Jane and Ian chose to get married in the sumptuous setting of Melville Castle.

The light was lovely as we were all signing the paperwork.

They make a very elegant couple. I wonder if there have been any other weddings at Melville Castle where everyone sang Here Comes The Sun?

Orocco Pier Wedding

2007-07-31T20:51:00.001+01:00

This was a last minute wedding for me. I only met Ben and Christine a few days before the ceremony. They had already married legally when they were both living in New York City and did the honours at Central Hall, which Christine compared to queueing for the post office!

They had relatives come over to Edinburgh from Massachussetts, where Ben hailes from and Australia where Christine has some family. Unfortunately my camera doesn't do the venue Orocco Pier in South Queensferry justice. The huge picture window gives a backdrop of the two Forth bridges. But here is a lovely picture of the happy couple. Gorgeous!

Christine's mum has been growing sunflowers in her garden all summer to use on the tables, in the buttonholes and of course, on the cake.

I've recently had a few grooms ask me if it's OK to have their ushers standing at the front with them as well as their best man. Of course it is! This is common practice in the US where they're called Groom's Men. They all had their kilts on and were muttering something about being true Scotsmen. I cannot confirm, but it is definitely true that Americans have great teeth:

Hello ladies!

Dryburgh Abbey Hotel Wedding

2007-07-31T20:26:00.001+01:00

I don't often do weddings in the borders but the drive down to the Dryburgh Abbey Hotel for Fiona and Jonathan's wedding was a treat.

I was especially pleased when I got there because I met this falconer with his lovely baby Barn Owl. It's only 15 weeks old.

The sun was out so the wedding was in the gardens of the hotel and the bride made a dramatic entrance to the bagpipes.

The ceremony was lovely.

And Fiona and Jonny make a unique couple - check out his black nail varnish! I loved Fiona's dramatic scarlet gown, which her mother had customised.

Fiona's mum also made these gorgeous bridesmaid dresses.

And the best man looked very dapper too.

Holyrood Park Wedding

2007-07-27T19:05:00.001+01:00

Driving to Holyrood park for today's outdoor wedding, what should I come across but...

And in the carriage was The Bride with her lovely bridesmaids. They were drinking Champers and having a jolly time.

The setting was lovely and for the first time in ages, the sun came out.

Mike and Suzanne are the first couple who have asked me if they could 'jump the broomstick'. This is an old tradition and it symbolises the bride's willingness to clean the house. Whoever jumped the highest was the decision maker in the home and surprise, surprise this was usually the man. It's not as easy as it looks in a big frock and high heels, but I'm pretty sure Suzanne jumped the highest.

And here is the happy couple at the end of the ceremony. What a sexy bride!

Abden House Wedding

2007-07-26T13:23:00.001+01:00

Sometimes I can get quite caught up in the emotion of the day. Kara and Gordon said their vows in the lovely setting of Abden House with so much love in their eyes that we all felt a bit teary! It was a lovely ceremony and the best part was the baby naming of their little boy Lewis, who slept through the whole thing and didn't cry at all.

They make a beautiful family:

Here's a lesson in how to choose bridesmaids. At this wedding we had an adorably cute one and a gorgeous foxy one:

I love these 'Good Luck' horse shoes, and wish I'd been given some on my wedding day!

Napier University Wedding

2007-07-26T12:54:00.001+01:00

Nicole and Stephen got off to a good start. They had already legally tied the knot in Autrailia but decided to have a ceremony in Scotland too. Here is Nicole arriving at Napier University with her dad.

I think she looks absolutely gorgeous in her blue dress and she is as talented as she is beautiful because she made it herself!

This couple created lovely vows and in Stephen's to Nicole, he promised to bring laughter into her life. She laughed just after he said this and I said, "Well, Stephen, You're off to a good start!"

Personally I think laughter and fun are vital ingredients to a good marriage and it was lovely to see this couple beginning married life with huge big smiles on their faces.

And, of course, the look of love!

What is Humanism?

2007-07-09T20:32:00.000+01:00

Humanism predates Christianity and goes back to the Ancient Greeks.

Some people make it seem complicated but its core is pretty simple:

Humanists think we should try to live a good and ethical life without religion or superstition, that we should treat other people the way we want to be treated ourselves and that this life is the only one we have.

So, does that mean I get up every morning, embrace the day, climb mountains, listen in rapture to birdsong and glory in the wonder of evolution? No. Or not very often anyway, much to the disapointment of my husband.

Humanists value other humans equally no matter what creed, colour, age, gender, sexuality or social standing they are.

We place a high value on the environment and the arts.

But most importantly Humanists are free thinkers, therefore we have no dogma. So my thinking on Humanism might be quite different from the next Humanist's. Ce la vie.

Check out the Humanist Society of Scotland's website for more info. We have local meetings in different areas around Scotland that you are more than welcome to go to.

The Atrium Restaurant Wedding

2007-07-09T14:12:00.001+01:00

Jemina and Matt travelled all the way from Australia to get married in Edinburgh at the The Atrium Restaurant

This is the first wedding where I've made a bride cry. Jemina's dad telephoned the restaurant just before the ceremony to pass on his and her mum's love and best wishes. I nearly cried with her, when I told her.

The groom was very nervous before the ceremony but was fine once Jemina made her entrance. Though he still looks slightly shell shocked here.

They make a gorgeous couple, don't they?

A Garden Wedding

2007-07-09T14:05:00.000+01:00

On Saturday I took a trip back to Stirling where I was born!

Lynne and David's wedding wasn't in the castle but in the far lovelier setting of their very own back garden.

Here is a picture of the groom:

He is wondering if it is going to rain - again!

After much deliberation we decided to set up wedding camp under a gazebo.

We then scattered some petals on the ground for the bride arriving.

The sun once again came out at the last minute but the best part of the wedding was when David and Lynne's friends read out poems they had written for each other.

Neither the bride or groom had heard the other's poem before the wedding ceremony and it was very personal, touching and emotional. I think Lynne looked very regal in her elegant dress.

Edinburgh Zoo Wedding

2007-07-09T13:59:00.001+01:00

The first ever legal humanist wedding was at Edinburgh Zoo in 2005, so I was delighted that Sarah and Paddy asked me to marry them there. When we all arrived the weather was horrid but then, low and behold the sun came out just as they were saying their vows.

The wedding was in the Mansion House overlooking the zoo, not in the penguin enclosure. Unfortunately.

I thought Sarah looked glowing in her pink dress.

The Hub Wedding

2007-07-09T13:51:00.001+01:00

Another rainy day in Edinburgh!

Luckily Gail and Richard had chosen to get married indoors in the grand setting of The Hub on Castlehill.

I'd never married anyone there before and was worried that the space would be too big and echoey. However lots of spongy wallpaper gave the more intimate setting of the balcony lovely acoustics for the ceremony.

When you go to buy a wedding frock, the assistant always asks you where they wedding is going to be as apparently you need to know this before you decide whether you're having an empire line or a meringue. I used to think this was a load of nonsense but could see their point at this wedding. Gail's elegant and opulent gown was so well suited to the grand setting - and as you can see she looked beautiful in it!

They had their meal and dancing downstairs in the big hall and there was loads of room for a ceilidgh. I bet it was fun!

Holyrood Park Wedding

2007-07-01T09:12:00.002+01:00

Nobody wishes for rain on their wedding day but despite the drizzle this ceremony was lovely.

It took place just outside the Historic Scotland education centre in Holyrood Park on the same day as the official opening of the Scottish Parliament.

I really love it when brides have their own style. Sabina's dress had a vintage 1940's look and was very elegant. Her hair was in a very glamorous chignon. As she is Shetland-Peruvian her sister Maria read out the lyrics from a Tracy Chapman song in English and Spanish:

FOR YOU/POR TI
Tracey Chapman from ‘Tracey Chapman’ (© 1986 SBK April Music Inc./Purple Rabbit Music)

There’re no words to say
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you
Deep in my heart
Safe from the guards
Of intellect and reason
Leaving me at a loss
For words to express my feelings
Deep in my heart

No hay nada que decir
Noy hay palabras convenientes
Lo que siento por ti
Porfundo en mi corazón
A salvo de las barreras
Del intelecto y la razón
Dejándome
Sin palabras para expresar mis sentimientos
Profundos en mi corazón

I also enjoyed all the home baking they had!

Mick & April

2007-06-29T16:53:00.000+01:00

I was in the charming fishing village of Port Seton this afternoon for Mick & April's renewal of vows ceremony. They got married ten years ago and promised each other on their wedding day that if, after ten years, they were still as happy they would have a big do!

The bride stepped out of a stretch limo to the skirl of the bagpipes, played by their original best man.

They made their garden look lovely with lots of tents and gazebos.

My favourite touch was the sangria fountain and I have decided that I MUST have one!

It was a great ceremony and very moving. It is lovely to know that some people are still as in love with each other after ten years of marriage.

Making It Legal

2007-06-28T17:01:00.000+01:00

Thinking about the legalities of a wedding isn't as much fun as putting together the creative elements - but it has to be done and believe it or not, some people leave it too late!

Here is what you have to do to be legally married in a Humanist ceremony in Scotland:

Choose a date, venue and celebrant and confirm arrangements with them.

Choose two witnesses.

Get in touch with the nearest registrar to your venue (not your home), tell them where you are getting married (to make sure they are the nearest) and ask them for the forms. You can find a list of offices in the Edinburgh area here

Fill in the forms and send them back to the registry office no earlier than 3 months and no later than 6 weeks before the wedding. Sometimes you can put your forms in later than this but this is the exception not the rule. You will also have to supply the registrar with your birth certificates.

One week before the wedding one of you can pick up the Marriage Schedule (the piece of paper you, the witnesses and your celebrant signs on the day) and you must do this in person.

On the day of the wedding the most important thing to remember is to bring the Marriage Schedule with you (some people forget!). This must be signed in permanent black ink using a fountain pen (don't worry - I bring this with me).

The Marriage Schedule must be returned to the registrar within three working days and can be taken back by anyone (this was traditionally the best man's job but that all depends on how much you trust your best man).

You will then be issued with your wedding certificate.

The Venue: as designated by the Registrar General, it must be 'safe and dignified'. Interpret that how you will, but Humanists have conducted weddings in nightclubs and atop munros.

The Registrars: are always very helpful and will go out of their way to assist you if you are having difficulty getting hold of paperwork or you are working to a tighter deadline. If you have lost your birth certificate and are worried about getting another one, if your venue cancells your booking at the last minute, if you are waiting for divorce papers to come through before you can put your forms into them, or any other problems with the paperwork - tell them as soon as possible.

Further information on marrying in Scotland can be found here